Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner!

There’s this saying that two is better than one. But apparently, the American Idol trailer folks did NOT want us to go down that path, so they reiterated to us all that there can only be one winner. Thanks, AV people. But I think I’ve got a handle on that one, having not been born yesterday. And having watched ten other seasons of American Idol, none of which ended with a tie.

I may take some heat for saying this. But in my opinion the American Idol finale kind of does for old singers what Dancing with the Stars does for old stars…gives them a moment to shine and feel relevant to pop culture again. By this I do NOT mean that I disrespect the older musicians and nor do I discount what they’ve done for the industry and culture as a whole. Honestly. But can we be real? Some of these folks just don’t sound very good anymore. And it’s sometimes painful to watch. I’d rather see other people perform, is all I’m sayin’.

Top 10 Perform “Run Away, Baby”

The top 10 started off the show in style  with a really fun and energetic performance with relatively no awkwardness. And when choreography is involved, that’s really a big deal. The only time I was concerned was when Joshua went down into the splits and then attempted to come back up and couldn’t get grip with his shoes. That was almost a disaster. But luckily, then I was distracted by the super cool dancers! Those guys were amazing.

Top 2 Revealed

First of all, every time Ryan says “Nokia theater” it makes me think of gnocci. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s where my brain takes me.

Holy frijole! I can’t believe American Idol broke a world record with 132 million votes on Tuesday night! That’s some craziness up in there.

When Phillip and Jessica walked out. I had two thoughts:

1. Well, Phillip is pulling off the white outfit but would an undershirt been out of line? I’m just saying.

2. Jessica’s white dress was the best of them all. I guess that’s appropriate. And it’s super amazing that she’s made it this far when she had to depend on the judge’s save to keep her in the competition. I don’t think any other “judges save” contestants have made it to the finale.

CCR’s John Fogerty Performs with Phillip Phillips

Okay, so my friend Todd had some pretty brilliant insights about this performance which I am going to share with you. (You’re welcome.) He said that folk singers like John Fogerty often just throw the notes out there and that it’s not so important that they hit them square on…it’s more about the feeling and style than the precise note. And Phillip was forming and hitting his notes right on which made John Fogerty look kind of bad. I think he’s right, but my first response was “ew, this doesn’t sound good.”. 🙂

I made it through “Have You Ever Seen The Rain” and was going strong but when Phillip announced that they would ALSO be singing “Bad Moon Rising”, I almost lost my focus. Here’s my question: why two songs? Why not stick with one and call it good?

And then I felt the “no, YOU’RE the best” pointing trying to give the other person the credit was a little over the top.

“The Judges are Professionals” Video Montage

First I must say that when I learned the term “montage” my life totally changed. Thanks, Greg Spangler!

This video mostly consisted of Ryan being generally awesome (but a bad golf cart driver), the judges (especially Randy) laughing through poor Idol hopeful’s bad auditions, SteTy’s inappropriate comments, and J. Lo acting kind of like a prima donna. Par for the course, really, but kind of fun to see.

Joshua and Fantasia Perform “Take Me to the Pilot” by Elton John 

I wish I could go back in time and not watch this performance.

Fantasia looked like a HOT MESS with that long hair and the crazy eyes. I did not even recognize her, even though Joshua introduced her. She seriously looked like some sort of insane asylum patient that was let out on “good behavior” and could not have worn a more unflattering outfit if she tried. Tight black leather with the sides of the legs cut out and replaced with netting? Nope. Nuh-uh. MY EYES! MY EYES!

Jimifer is Born

This video segment was mostly outtakes of Jimmy Iovine calling Jennifer Lopez “Jessica” over and over, much to Nigel Lythgoe’s dismay. Nigel actually threatened to punch Jimmy at one point. I thought the most hilarious part of this whole thing was when Jimmy slipped and called someone Joshica. Now that’s funny, Jimmy. Why don’t we get to see this side of you more often?

Top 6 Ladies Performance with Chaka Kahn
The top 6 ladies sound great! I have to name Erika and Elise as MVPs of this one. When Shannon sang, I was taken aback because it’s been so long since I’ve seen her that I forgot that she was even in this season (sorry, Dad!). Holly rocked…and looked so cute in her bubble gum pink sparkly dress. Chaka Kahn, however, she did not hold up her end of the bargain and her outfit was almost as terrible as Fantasia’s. Whose idea for her to walk down those stairs? I thought she was going to fall. She also seemed like she couldn’t remember the words…and also like she might have been high.

It must have been a thrill for the girls to sing with her, though.

Ford Montage and Car Bequeathalment

Yep, I just made that word up. I’m a maverick. I love that Colton got a noticably big cheer when he appeared on screen. Yay, Colton! Still listening to his rendition of “September” on my May playlist, in case you’re wondering.

As they did last year, Ford gave the contestants the opportunity to thank their musical mentors. Phillip chose his brother-in-law Ben Neal (For the record, I love names that are two first names) and Jessica chose a family friend, Robert Talon who may just be the tiniest man I’ve ever seen. I bet Jessica’s family was all like “Dude! Jessica! Why didn’t you pick us so we could get a car?” Oh, because, the mentors got a car just like the contestants did. So everyone was happy.

Rhianna performs “Where Have You Been?”

With all the lasers, I expected Rihanna to be performing some sort of heist where she had to navigate the beams. But it turns out, they were just there for show. I didn’t see a single limb sliced off. Which, I suppose, is really good for the Idol legal team.

I did not understand why that guy on stilts was in the performance. But, Rihanna can sing! And it was an interesting performance, but I still feel like this is the night of bad outfits. I should just point out that she definitely wasn’t singing during that chorus. Definitely not.

Skylar Laine and Reba McIntyre Perform “Turn On The Radio”

Okay, let’s not kid ourselves. Skylar blew Reba away in energy and vocal and completely showed her up. Reba was a good sport and they did sound amazing together. Their voices really are very similar.

And that fiddler should get honorable mention just for being able to pull off that hair…

A Tour of SteTy’s Dressing “Room”

This dressing room was really a house. Just a few quick thoughts that flashed through my mind during this segment:

• SteTy is a better actor than I’ve ever given him credit for. This was way better than J.Lo’s Ice Age promo.
• There is more pink in there than I would have thought.
• Is that sloth for real?
• Yep, this confirms it! Steven Tyler is one weird dude.

Jessica Reprises “I Will Always Love You “

What can I say? She was flawless and gave a top-notch performance.

Top 6 Guys Perform with Neil Diamond

I’m going to say that the guys do not as good of a job at blending as the ladies here. But, I gotta give credit where credit sis due. As much as I dislike DeAndre’s falsetto, it’s a plus in these situations to bring depth to the harmony.

Well, Neil Diamond kind of sing-talked…and looked generally like Mr. Rogers. But all we needed to do was wait for the chorus of Sweet Caroline (does anyone really know the verses?) and all was well.

My favorite version of this song would have to be this one:

The Idols “Sing the Phone Book” for Randy Jackson

Other than the final results, this was the very best part of the evening. I love that they called Randy out literally on his comment that any given contestant could “sing the phone book”. So the video montage gave what was only a brief snapshot of the many times he’s doled out that particular phrase and then we cut to the Idols in choir. Holding phone books like choir folders. And singing phone numbers, advertisements, and generally poking fun at the concept of “singing the phone book”. And at the end, Joshua went off in a typical gospel run and all the other Idols looked at him like it was the most annoying thing ever.

Which, of course, I loved. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I laughed my face off. And I echo Ryan’s urging for Randy to get some new material.

Jennifer Lopez Performs “Going In” and “Follow the Leader”

I knew the instant that I saw J.Lo start her performance fully clothed that it couldn’t last long. Also, the dancing with the trampolines? Ah-maze-ing. I’d like to install trampolines along my normal walking routes so I can be just as cool. I love the Step Up movies. It’s pretty much my only chance to see my favorite So You Think You Can Dance contestants after the shows are over.

And these musings pretty much occupied my thoughts throughout the performances. That, and a thankfulness that MC Hammer pants are not yet back in style.

Ace and Diana’s Proposal

So, apparently, Ace Young and Diana DeGarmo have been dating for some time. In that time, Ace decided to grow some nappy hair and Diana adopted cool nail polish. Also, since this stage will always be “home” to them (even though they’ve not stepped foot on it since Diana was on season three and Ace was on season 5), Ace decided to propose to her on stage. And Kieren lent his lighting and Ryan played the role of wingman. Listen, I’m all for love and I want it to lift us up to where we belong and everything but this was incredibly awkward.

Ace took the opportunity to toute their Broadway success, promote the jeweler who made the ring, etc. It was a self-promotional placement rolled into an proposal! And I might have been able to stomach that IF his voice wasn’t so cheesy.

What I took away from it all? Ryan’s a super helpful and stealthy person to have in such a situation. Of course.

You’ll Never Walk Alone – Hollie and Jordin Sparks

Okay now. Hollie and Jordin should have just kept walking…together…right off the stage. This performance was kind of a mess. It started off okay, Jordin entered off pitch, and then everything kind of just went downhill from there. Once positive thing I can say: maybe Jordin could help Fantasia with her extensions. ‘Cause she looked gorgeous.

Robin Gibb’s Tribute – A BeeGees Medley by the Top 6 Guys

Well, that was…shall we say…not crisp. This performance was a very sweet idea but not quite executed well enough. Still, it wasn’t terrible. And it was a nice guesture.

Jessica and Jennifer Holliday sing “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going”

Holy. Freaking. Cow. Jennifer Holliday has what must be the BIGGEST mouth I’ve ever seen. It’s almost snake-like and I expected her to detach her jaw at any moment. THAT THING IS GINORMOUS!

Not being a psychic, I can’t tell you what she was thinking. But if I were to wager a guess, I’d say that she was bound and determined not to be upstaged by Jessica. This performance was (to borrow a SteTy phrase) over the top and hard to watch at time because of the facial expressions going on. But it was also amazing and intense and crazy-good. At one point, the camera shot to J.Lo to see her reaction to the performance and her face was contorted in a grimmace. That made me laugh.  All in all, a stellar and glittery performance.

Aerosmith Performs “Legendary” and “Walk This Way”

I should clarify that when I made the “Dancing with the Stars” remark, I did not lump Steven Tyler in that mix. He’s still got it and I’d much rather watch SteTy than J.Lo any day of the week. This performance was just a rocking good time and fully worth the time. You go, SteTy.

Jessica Sanchez and Phillip Phillips Sing “Love Lifts Us Up”

Hmm. Okay. They really should have left well enough alone. This song did not really do much for either of them…especially not Phillip who wandered in and out of the pitch. Jessica didn’t really even try to blend and the whole thing came off like they’d practiced it once backstage before they went on. And given how many performances they gave this week, that’s a very real possibility.

Final Results for the Final Time This Season

One question: Should we really trust our AMERICAN Idol results to an Englishman? Well, if it’s good enough for Nigel, it’s good enough for me.

And the winner is…

PHILLIP PHILLIPS!

And Scotty McCreery hands off the trophy and Phillip’s guitar. I remember thinking “If Phillip loses it, I’m totally going to bawl my face off”. And then that’s exactly what happened. Hey! Maybe I AM psychic!

Phillip started singing his single “Home” and got off to an impressively solid start. But somewhere around the bridge, he just started to cry and could not pull it together enough to finish. And then I started to cry…and then the ugly crying commenced when he took off his guitar (the song was not finished yet, the marching band was still marching) and walked down off the stage to be immediately enveloped by his family.

Are you kidding me? I love this guy!

I’ve heard all season about the fact that Phillip has been sick, but never from the stage and never from Phillip (he’s SO not a complainer!). So last night when the confetti filled stage faded from my television screen, I googled it. And found this article.

I’m sure part of his breakdown was the fact that he was so excited that he can finally have surgery and not have to deal with the constant pain! And I was so relieved for him when I found out today that he’ll have surgery in the next week or so.

I cannot even tell you how glad I am that he won, nor how excited I am for his CD to release. But first, Pheel better Phillip!

Haddock out!

Idols,Their Music…and Me

So, at lunch yesterday I had an interesting conversation with my good friend and co-worker Renee about American Idol. She told me that no matter how much she really loves a contestant on American Idol, she never buys their CDs after the show is over.

“Really?!” I said. “I have almost every one of the winner’s CDs…sometimes even more than just the freshman albums and many that didn’t win but I loved them anyway.” And that made me do a little iTunes digging to find out exactly how many Idol albums/songs I own. Let us count.

From Season 1:

1. Kelly Clarkson: “Thankful”, “Breakaway”, “My December”, and selected tracks from “Stronger”. What can I say? She kind of freaked me out with the “My December” album. She was just so…angry. And scary.

From Season 2:

2. Clay Aiken – “Merry Christmas With Love” (Don’t judge. I love Christmas!)

From Season 3:

Selected tracks from Fantasia Barrino, Diana DeGarmo, and Jennifer Hudson (okay, the Jennifer Hudson song is from the Dream Girls soundtrack. It was A-MAH-ZING.)

From Season 4:

3. Carrie Underwood: “Some Hearts”, “Play On”, “Carnival Ride”

From Season 5:

4. Chris Daughtry – “Daughtry” and “Leave This Town”

5. Katharine McPhee – “Katharine McPhee” and “Unbroken”. Plus the super cute duet she did with Zacharay Levi. I heart Chuck.

6. Elliot Yamin – “Elliot Yamin” (and apparently he’s coming out with a new CD on April 10th! Yay!)

7. Mandisa – “It’s Christmas”

Selected tracks from Ace Young, and Paris Bennett (Otherwise known as “Princess P”)

From Season 6:

8. Blake Lewis – “Audio Day Dream”…but I must have played this song a gazillion times during his season. Say what you will about Blake, but he changed the face of American Idol with his unique music arrangements. C’mon, all you have to do is watch this performance to be convinced of that.

9. Jordin Sparks – “Jordin Sparks” and also the track “Battlefield“. It’s an ANTHEM! 🙂

10. Selected tracks from Chris Richardson, but I’m going to count this one as an album because he never (to my knowledge) made one and I’m pretty sure I downloaded every song he sang during this season.

From Season 7:

Selected tracks from Brooke White and Syesha Mercado.

11. David Cook – “David Cook”

12. David Archuleta – “David Archuleta”

(These guys really know how to name an album…which come to think of it is kind of common in the Idol-sphere.)

From Season 8:

Selected tracks from Adam Lambert and one lonely song from Mishavonna Henson. You probably don’t remember her, she was voted out during the Top 36 round. But I downloaded this.

13. Allison Iraheta – “Just Like You”.

14. Danny Gokey (hate to say it but this was the worst decision in the bunch…) – “My Best Days”

15. And the best winner ever, Kris Allen – “Kris Allen” and I’ve pre-ordered his new CD and downloaded the single “Vision of Love”. SQUEEEE! Remember when he did THIS? He’s so brilliant.

From Season 9:

Selected tracks from Lee DeWyse. What can I say? This was a dark, dark season.

From Season 10:

Scattered songs from:

• Casey Abrams…cannot WAIT for his album
• Haley Reinhart…loving the “Free” single!
• James Durbin…love him, but can’t bring myself to buy his CD.
• Lauren Alaina…just one song, really.
• Scotty McCreery…what can I say? I loved his version of “Gone”.
• Paul McDonald…Folsom City Blues, of course.

I also have my fair share of Hillary Duff music, but that’s neither here nor there. The power of iTunes, folks…well, iTunes and apparently a lack of discernible budget. 🙂

All in all the album count is: 21 CDs (including CDs that I’ve pre-ordered). Single downloads are a little harder to measure, but my best educated guess would be upwards of 50 songs. Probably more.

Please tell me I am not the only one…what Idol CDs or  downloads do YOU have?

Haddock out!

The Recouperation of Amy 2011

This July, I packed my bags and headed to a little place I like to call the northwest. Okay, okay, so everyone calls it “the northwest”. Whatever.

Washington state is the home of apples, the space needle, and…my BFF Sarah.

Now, if you ever spent time with Sarah and I individually, you might wonder what makes us so close. We’re pretty fundamentally different in a lot of ways…as her former roommate (and her mine), we can both vouch for that.

She is a neat freak. I thrive in organized clutter.

She is opposed to synthetic instruments (especially drums) in her musical tastes. ‘Nsync makes me happy.

She is graceful under pressure and scrutiny. I tend to glare and make my feelings perfectly clear.

She prefers her alone time. I like to fill each night of the week with a social activity.

She’s rather calm. I tend to be excitable.

But what’s crazy is, we have a lot in common–we usually just come from different places to get there. Which is why I love having her in my life. She challenges weaknesses in my life that I tend to excuse or overlook…usually just by example or a well-placed question.

We can talk, disagree, and come out on the other end sharpened by the exchange. And let’s be honest about it…we have a ton of fun together. Most of our friendship takes place on phone calls. Not easy for two self-proclaimed loathers of talking on the phone! But somehow, it works.

It’s been a couple of years since we’ve been in the same state and fair is fair – she made the trip to Colorado last. So, July 4th found me packed and winging my way west.

When I arrived (to an AWESOME poster board welcome sign with my name on it), I just knew that this was going to be the best vacation ever! How did I know? Okay, well, I didn’t KNOW know. But I had a strong inkling. Here’s just a sampling of the awesome things we did.

• Rode in Sarah’s convertible with the top down and the latest Hanson CD cranked up loud. Those of you that just rolled their eyes because I mentioned Hanson…I saw that! Washington state is so beautiful. I couldn’t get over how gorgeous the greenery, different kind of trees, and the mountains near the water were.
• Went to see X-Men: First Class together. We’re always bemoaning the fact that we live so far away that we can’t hang out and go to movies together. And this was by far the best of the X-men movies if I do say so myself! Just call me a Y-(wo)man! (Too much? Okay.) Yes, it was even better than Wolverine. Say whatever you want, but I just don’t think Hugh Jackman is that attractive. The sideburn jowels? Mettle coming out of his hands (wince)? No thanks. P.S. Michael Fassbender totally looks like the son of the dad from The Sound of Music. Anyone?
• Went to Baja Fresh and (gasp!) Trader Joe’s. I’m fairly certain I gave Sarah a heart attack when I reacted to seeing both establishments. For future reference, never startle your driver. But, it was like coming home. I’m totally a better version of myself when I can shop at Trader Joe’s. I’m pretty sure we went at least twice and maybe three times during the course of my one-week stay.
• A tour through Pikes Place Market…yes, I know it’s unbelievably tourist-y of me. But I’m a sucker for fresh flowers, crafty goodness, and flying fish. PLUS! I went to the first Starbucks. Like, ever.

• Had some quality time with her church peeps and tried not to embarrass her in front of her friends. It’s more difficult than it sounds, okay??
• Spent a WHOLE DAY being lazy. Slept in, watched the entire first season of Pushing Daisies, downloaded a game on her iPhone that involved helping tiny people build a tower and earn monies. I’m pretty sure I didn’t shower or get out of my PJ’s all day. Now THAT’S vacation. 🙂
• Visited Sarah’s work and got the grand tour

And it’s the last item that I’d like to spend the rest of my time on. So, if you don’t like American Idol, you can stop reading now if you want. No hard feelings. 🙂

I should say right off the bat that I didn’t really give her an option. When the tour cities for the American Idol tour were posted and I found out there was a concert near to Sarah’s house (and factoring in that I was already planning a summer trip out to see my dear friend), I called her. She, like a responsible adult, was at work. My message was garbled, excited, high-pitched, and hard to understand. The ticket buying almost gave me a panic attack. You Ticket Master people know what I’m talking about. Which seats are best? Why is there a timer COUNTING DOWN? What if there are better seats? What if there aren’t but I try anyway and lose out on these? Sheesh. But I did it. I finished my mission (’cause HECK YEAH, I chose to complete it!) and after a flurry of clicking, a furrowed brow, and bated breath I was in possession of two tickets to the concert of the century my lifetime the year.

The night of the concert arrived as the piece de resistance of the week and I was so nervous. I have no idea why, honestly. But I was concerned about the parking, if the tickets I printed were the right ones, if the seats were going to be okay, etc. Sarah calmly stood by my side while I completely freaked out, offering moral support. And then. We were inside! I had my camera all ready to go. I bought a ridiculously expensive program. And suddenly! There was Ryan Seacrest…on a screen. Okay, so it didn’t have the same effect as if he would have been there in person, but still.

A few observations from the concert:

• Stefano’s “I’m super cool and fly and all the girls love me” schtick TOTALLY works in person since you can’t tell from a distance that he’s squinting and closing his eyes. His performance was super high-energy and he was the first one to get me on my feet…which I’m not entirely sure the older folks behind us were pleased about.
• Naima danced again and it was just as awkward in person as on screen…until she pulled off a one-handed cart-wheel and landed in the splits. THAT was impressive.
• Pia has not learned any new moves. The arm outstretched moving up and down is still alive and well.
• It’s entirely possible that I love Casey even more. He performed “Smooth” and “Harder to Breathe”. He. Is. Brilliant. And his duets with Haley? Forgeddaboudid.
• James seemed to be the bravest of all the contestants. During his first performance he started in the audience surrounded by a gazillion body guards. I jumped up for his performance, too, and Sarah glanced over and laughed at me. I believe her exact words were “I can’t believe you LIKE this kind of music.” Not because she didn’t like it, but because she felt like my love of boy bands and pop music of all stripes could not co-exist with my love of the Durbs. The only thing was…nothing caught on fire during his performance. I was super disappointed about that, as you can imagine.
• Scotty came out last and did several songs (One was a duet with Lauren. I’m still convinced that they are MFEO). My favorite performance of his will always be “Gone”. It’s the most fun. Most of the other country stuff…eh.

So, there you have it! I’m glad I went. I’m glad I went with Sarah. 🙂 A few pictures for your viewing pleasure. All these pictures are able to be seen because Sarah took firm control of the camera. I pretty much got a whole bunch ‘o fuzzy before that turn in events…

See how excited we were?? See the old people behind us??

First (virtual) sighting!

 

Haley was pretty darn amazing, too. She's better live, if you can believe it!

YAY!

The Durbs. In fine form, as usual.

Scotty and Lauren!

So, now that NaBloPoMo is done, I’m going to succumb to the busy-ness that is my life. But you best believe that I’ll be checking in here and there. AND, I’ll be back full force in January for another season of (wait for it) American Idol! Just can’t wait what crazy antics SteTy is going to pull next year…

For next year’s NaBloPoMo, a little research if you please. Which NaBloPoMo posts did you like the best? The worst?

Haddock out! 🙂

A few post finale things…

Just a few tidbits that I thought you people might be interested in.

1. Lee DeWyze vs. Nigel Lythgoe on Lee’s lack of involvment in the finale

For the record, I’m on Lee’s side. But you probably guessed that, right?)

2. Scotty’s Exit Interview

He’s on top of the world right now. Now, where was that Carpenter’s song in the competition?!? And why haven’t they done a Carpenter’s night yet? Doncha think that’d be good? I’m telling you, these people really should put me on their payroll.

3. Lauren’s Exit Interview

Someone needs to learn to stay out of someone else’s bubble…that camera was so close to her face!

4. Pia, Haley, and Casey dish on their plans for the future.

After I see them on tour, of course. I’m a little disappointed not to know more about Casey, but maybe that’ll come after the tour? A girl can hope.

Happy Friday! 🙂

It’s Finale Here…

Well, how ’bout that? With this episode, the American Idol season officially ends. We made it! And even though all of you know (better than most) that I would have changed the top two if I had the power, the season was a pretty fantastic ride, wasn’t it? The changes that were made to the format, the new judges, Ryan’s new haircut…all took the season in a new and better direction. I, for one, can’t wait for next season…or maybe I can wait a little while. A girl needs recovery time, after all!

My first question of the night. Ryan revealed that 122 million votes were cast on Tuesday night. 122 MILLION. Now, that’s a heck of a lot more than 95 million votes from last week, but this fantastic sum of frantic texters, caller-inners, and website-ers doesn’t warrant fireworks? I think someone from the graphics department is getting fired. (Oh, that was very J. Lo of me). I’m just sayin’.

The final trailer of the season! Sniff. I’ll miss these. Maybe I should create trailers for my every day life experiences. Now THAT wouldn’t be a waste of time at all. This video set the stage of the night and to think about how many people auditioned versus made it to the Hollywood rounds versus made it to the Top 24 versus who made it to the Top 13 to who made it to the finale. Seriously. That’ll boggle your noggin if you let it. So I suggest we keep moving right along.

Ryan tossed out the fateful question to the 7,000 fans in the Nokia theater: Who’s your favorite contestant? And I have to say that Lauren’s fans sounded louder and prouder than Scotty’s in the house (da house, if you will). But when Ryan cut to their hometown celebrations, Scotty’s side had the clear advantage (despite the creative camera angles that Lauren’s hometown video crew tried to employ). This is when I started to gain some hope that the emotional manipulation from the night before wouldn’t win the day.

This show produced all the electric energy that I had expected from last night’s show and I found myself re-immersing myself in all that I love about the show. My zip was back–no Red Bull needed. And it made me wonder if I was just imagining the subdued proceedings of last night…nah. There’s a lot that happened, so I’ll try to keep my recapping brief so that when your alarm clock sounds tomorrow morning, you’ll be all caught up and ready to go.

You’re welcome.

Top 13 Perform “Born This Way”

CASEY! JAMES! PAUL! How I’ve missed you all except…Jacob. The performance sounded great! But I think it might have been pre-taped. Some of the close up shots of the contestants (and more accurately, their mouths) didn’t seem synced up with what was happening on stage. And wow, even the staged choreography looked Glee-worthy!

Oh, Scotty and Lauren. Stop with your shenanigans. We all know you’re just pretending to be competing for the center stage.  

James Durbin Performs with Judas Priest

Okay safety first, people. I can only IMAGINE the damage one could inflict with a spiked “booby-trapped” jacket. This performance must have been so cool for James. He looked right at home on stage.

I was still holding out hope that SteTy would be the one singing with the Durbs, so I was a little bummed. But that passed pretty quickly when I started to feel real fear that the hug the two guys exchanged at the end of the performance would leave them both riddled with holes and unintentional piercings. But seriously? That was an AMAZING electric guitar solo.

Judge Montage #1: Randy Jackson (aka RaJax)

This was pretty much what you would expect (everyone’s “in it to win it”…yeah, yeah), but it was still humorous. I didn’t realize that he asked “what is this show?” so much.

But the gold star of the night goes to Ry-Ry: “We need to get you a new writer.” From your lips to the producers ears, Ryan.

Jacob Lusk Performs with Kirk Franklin and Gladys Knight

My first thought was: who does he think he is with those Titantic-esque cuff links? And yep, I definitely remember accurately what a Jacob performance is. But having him share the stage with other people kind of tamed him and it wasn’t a hot mess. (Someone please find out what does Kirk Franklin do to get all that energy? ‘Cause I think I need me some of that.) He scurried around like an ant under a magnifying glass on a summer day. But at the end of the day, the performance proved that Jacob found his people! His tribe! And that made him seem a little more normal. I said a LITTLE more normal.

Casey Abrams Performs with Jack Black

As soon as Casey started singing and then whipped that couch out of the way to reveal Jack Black lounging on the stage, I couldn’t stop smiling and chuckling. (Boy, Casey’s pants are sure shiny!) These two are two peas in a pod. I think the dancers with 80’s neon bloomers were overkill. But the face to face ending more than made up for it (it did make me feel kind of gross on one level, though, b/c of all that sweat).

I would have rather seen Casey perform with his bass.  But still. It was so good for him to be back up on that stage.

Top 13 Ladies Perform a Beyonce Medley/”Crazy” with Beyonce

Finally Thia gets a solo in a group number! She and Karen rocked the “Irreplaceable” section of that. Kudos to Haley who had less time to learn the song and the choreography (and she did an amazing job). That must have been a lot of pressure to sing their solos with the original artist who sang them waiting in the wings.

Ryan is a master of stretching time, isn’t he? Though, having fallen victim to a DVR cut-off, I didn’t really think his comment, said jokingly, was appropriate. This is not a joking matter, Ry-Ry. 

Judges Montage #2: Steven Tyler (aka SteTy)

[BTW, the only reason I know what a “montage” is because of a one Greg Spangler. Greg is also singlehandedly responsible for teaching me to parallel park on the rough streets of Santa Clarita. Yay, Greg!]

Accurately labeled the “Loose Cannon” of the judging panel, I think the video was true to SteTy’s presence on the show. I just wish they would have done a portion of the video on how many times he said the word “beautiful” in response to a contestant’s performance, though.

Haley sings with Tony Bennet

I’ve never noticed before that Tony Bennet doesn’t have a neck. He looked like one of my former Ken dolls that lost the little “head turny” piece and so the plastic head had to be jammed directly on the plastic neck. But, even that feels irreverent to mention about an 85-year-old legend who is STILL making albums. Haley looked classy and was the perfect vocal partner for him. I especially appreciated the impromptu dance.

This was definitely my favorite performance of the night.

Judges Montage #3: Jennifer Lopez (aka J.Lo)

Basically, auditioning contestants and voted-through contestants sang of J.Lo’s beauty from far and wide (and J.Lo chastised Randy for sucking the joy from all her compliments). But the best part of this video was Marc Anthony’s face inserted in between all the people hitting on his wife. And let it be noted that fair J.Lo was the only judge to get a standing ovation.

Lil’ John and Thia, Ashton, Naima, and Karen with TLC

Ryan introduced this as the Top 13 performing with TLC, but I only saw Thia, Ashton, Naima, and Karen. Let’s just talk about the elephant in the room: this was definitely taped. There is no way that TLC was singing live.

Scotty McCreery Performs with Tim McGraw

Wait…isn’t “Live Like You Were Dying” Kris Allen’s song? Aw, man! I wanted to see how he was going to pull that off. But I was totally faked out. In my defense, the titles are darn similar.

And how great was The Blind Side? That along makes me a fan of good ‘ole Tim. This was a great performance and Scotty seemed like a pro, even standing next to a real bona-fide star.

Unsung Heros Montage

While I’m glad that they didn’t do the “faux awards” to the worst of the audition process, I’m not sure this was entirely necessary, either. It seems like a million years ago that we were watching the audition rounds, right?

This montage  featured Ryan’s protegé, Joe (you might remember him as the one who thought he had a career in radio but could only spout off one pre-rehearsed radio type phrase). It also included a “best use of logo” section in which the AI logo was plastered over anything that needed to be censored. Which, apparently was a lot. But I notice that they’ve been pleased to have Lady Gaga on several times, soooo. Whatever you want to do with that.

Marc Anthony Performs

Boy, it sure pays to be J.Lo’s husband, doesn’t it? And why are all the suits so shiny tonight? Anyhow. J.Lo was absent from the judges table, so I thought she’d appear at Marc’s side at some point during the performance. What I didn’t realize was that we were mostly going to just have a view of her bum and tousled hair. There was also a weird interpretive dance section. But their kiss at the end was sweet. Awww.

“Shocking” Elimination Montage

This was the single most hilarious thing I’ve seen on Idol. Ever. James and Casey really made this sooo funny, I had to pause my DVR because I was laughing so hard. I watched it twice, I’m not going to lie.

Highlights:

Casey: “America must really hate me because they eliminated me twice.” 

Casey called James a crybaby.

James coined the phrase “Shocker Rocker”.

Casey mocked the fact that James compared himself to Daughtry.

Good times, good times.

And once Pia entered and stole the scene, I was sold. There’s a lot to be said for a sense of humor, eh folks?

Top 13 Guys Perform a Tom Jones Medley/Tom Jones performs “It’s Not Unusual”

I was impressed with Stefano (finally)! And Jack Black was rockin’ out.

Ford Music Video Montage

Cute. And since Ford sponsored the next segment, I’m not going to mention what a waste of time this was. Oh. Whoops!

Ford Gives Back

Scotty and Lauren each got a donation of $20 per test drive on the Ford vehicle at their school…up to $10K. That’s pretty amazing. But I was glad they made it personal…each got to invite a teacher to the finale. Note to all teachers: find out who has vocal talent. Encourage them to try out for American Idol. Be really nice to them until they make it on the show. It’ll pay off!

Both teachers got cars! That’s a cool twist! And Scotty and Lauren get whatever Ford they want, so it’s a win-win-win-win. 🙂

Lady Gaga Performs “The Edge of Glory”

Whoa. Headdress. She looked more like a wall hanging than a human. She’s on the edge of somethin’. Maybe sanity? When she shed her “choir rob” for a warrior-looking bikini I knew we were in for a traditional Gaga performance. And while she stood on that precipice, I realized something: she actually has a pretty amazing voice. Sometimes it gets lost in her “entertainment” factor, but Gaga got skill.

Now, if only the performance didn’t end with a slightly pornographic dance, I would have been okay.

And THEN at the end of the performance, she fell off the edge! That made me gasp. I bet it made the American Idol legal counsel gasp, too.

Cannot. Wait.

Lauren Alaina Performs with Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats”

Seriously? Another Carrie Underwood song? Can we drive this comparison into the ground, please? Oh, wait. We’re already there.

The two of them sounded fantastic together, but I think the song was a too-mature choice for young Lauren. And this just in: stomping 6″ high heels doesn’t equal attitude, Lauren.

Former Contestants Weigh in on the Final Two

Jacob and Pia got the sappy part out of the way before this magic ensued:

Paul: “It’s unbelievable. They’re 16 and 17 years old, they can’t vote, they can barely drive…”

James: “They’re CHILDREN.”

Karen: “Go to your prom!”

Paul: “They can’t even watch ‘R’ rated movies.”

Stefano: “Wasn’t ‘American Juniors’ cancelled a while ago?”

Casey: “They’re just learning cursive. I’ve learned cursive for about the last five years now. They’re just starting.”

Beyonce Performs “One Plus One”

Boy, Beyonce is getting some good face time. The red mist was kind of creepy, but her dress was cool. And she totally sang her guts out.

This was the point in the show where I just wanted to know already. So, don’t tell anyone, but I kind of fast-forwarded half of her performance. Shh!

Bono and the Edge with Spiderman Turn Off the Dark Perform “Rise Above”

LOL. While Ryan was introducing this, there was a big guy sitting right behind him in the audience who was having NONE of it. The more excited Ryan got, the less expression on his face. Gotta love people like that, right? It provides balance to our world…

One thought struck me as the camera rested squarely on a rather attractive dude with a Spiderman letterman’s jacket: The American Idol set changing crew is amazing. The song actually got a little repetitive, but was entertaining enough. And when Spidey was lowered (upside down) right in front of J.Lo, I thought for a second that J. Lo was going to go for the upside down kiss! But, apparently remembering Marc’s expression during her video, she passed on the opportunity with a giggle.

[Side note:] That “The New Girl” show looks like something that will be occupying my DVR this fall…

Steven Tyler Performs “Dream On”

Wow! I didn’t know he played piano. All of his fans throughout the season (remember the plethora of “Walk This Way” signs?) were waiting for this one moment. J.Lo supported her fellow judge by rocking out in her judge seat Paula-style. And holy teeth, Batman! He’s got a lotta them.

Final Results!

Oh, hold up! Apparently this news warrants a wardrobe change! Scotty and Lauren looked spiffy while clutching hands and waiting for the word. Oh, except for the part of the waiting where they were engaged in a tickle fight on stage.

And the winner is…Scotty McCreery!

Whoa. Did they just kiss?!?!?! [I know. I’m juvenile. But I rewinded that about 4 times just to make sure that I saw Lauren plant one right on Scotty’s lips. Apparently, reliable news sources deny that they are a couple. But I’d like to present a few pieces of evidence for your verdict.]

1. The kiss.

2. The acceptance speech. “Well, it’s been a year since Lauren Alaina and I tried out now. Me and her have been together since day one and we’re going to stay together and this is just…never in my wildest dreams. I gotta thank the Lord first because he got me here.” [Side note: Since when have they gotten trophies?]

3. The “I love you, baby” directed to Lauren during his performance.

You be the judge. As you might guess, I think they are MFEO.

Aw, he has lipstick on his cheek. And he interjected his final American Idol performance with a disbelieving “Are you serious?” before descending the stairs to hug family. Gotta love this guy. This was not really a song as much as it was a hug-fest. It was sweet to see Scotty so choked up seeing as how he’s usually the one that’s cool as a fudgsicle.

Meanwhile, Scotty’s dad had fun with the confetti streamers.

At the end, poor Scotty was so overcome that he collapsed to the ground and cried. Which was actually kind of awkward because everyone was intent on bringing him to his feet again. Leave him alone, people!

But then he stood up and tried to catch confetti on his tongue. So I knew he’d be okay.  And one last “thank you so much” from Scotty and we were out!

A Few Final Thoughts

1. Why is the typical MO to “surprise” us with the celebrity artist in the middle of the song? I’ve grown to expect it now, someone better get on that. Nigel, you want to come up some more ideas and then give me a call and we can brainstorm? Mkay, thanks.

2. I bet Jordan Dorsey wishes he was nicer to Scotty, right? (He was the one who wouldn’t let Scotty be in his group during the group round of the Hollywood auditions).

Until Next Season,

Haddock out!

Sooo close…but who cares?

Usually these recaps come late because my day is so busy that my breaks dissolve into nothingness. And trust me, any notes that I take the night of the show need to be deciphered so that normal people can read it and not want to claw their eyes out. This time, though, mostly I had to work myself up to even care. I mean, I care about American Idol, clearly. And all of you (of course). And I care about Scotty and Lauren. But I don’t really care who wins. I won’t buy either CD. I won’t be holding my breath waiting for Ryan’s delivery of the winner. I won’t be jumping up and down with Noelle trying to scream quietly so as not to wake any sleeping children, no matter which name is pronounced the new “reigning” American Idol.  [Point of order:] Shouldn’t the current reigning American Idol get to do one last walk across the stage or song or something before handing off the “crown”?

I wish I was more excited, I really do. I guzzled a few Red Bulls for the event*. I tried to channel my cheerleading days energy into the finale. But…nothing. Nada. Zero. But even given all of that, it’s worth nothing that no matter what, I’ll probably cry when the winner is revealed. After all, I’m nothing if not an equal opportunity crier. (Much more important than a town crier, btw).

It’s just a complete 180 from the beginning of the season when my top two were Lauren and Casey, right? But still. We have a show. And a lot happened and I have a lot to say about it, as you might expect.

The night opened with a trailer, same as most show nights. But the trailer kind of puzzled me. Why were David Cook and Carrie Underwood the only two Idol winners featured in the video? Why did they choose those particular ones? It would make sense to do the most successful Idols (Carrie and Kelly) or the most recent (Kris and Lee) or a montage of a few winners through the ages. It was just kind of weird. And now we’ve seen the auditions of Scotty and Lauren approximately 30 gazillion times in the last three weeks. And I’m guessing we’re not at the end here. It was pretty cool that they had footage of a young Scotty saying “And the next American Idol is…”. Gotta wonder about the back story there, eh?

After the trailer dramatically came to a close, Ryan stood on the stage in his tux and actually uttered the phrase: “Tonight we change lives.” We’re so important.

[Side note:] Did anyone else see that sign that an audience member was holding that said “Ryan Seacrest you’re the reason I moved to LA”? I guess that’s as good a reason to uproot your life and move to a new place as any. Moving on…

Ryan introduced the top two to us and proclaimed Scotty “The Guy Next Door” and Lauren “The Southern Belle”. American Idol seems to take great delight in labeling contestants as the “Guy Next Door” (Kris Allen also sported that label), but I don’t quite understand the logic behind the titles. Why wouldn’t it be the “Guy Next Door” vs. the “Girl Next Door”? Or the “Cowboy” vs. the “Southern Belle”? It just seems a little lopsided to me. Can’t we have some symmetry in these random made-up categorizations?

Ryan gave us the “breaking news” that had apparently been circulating today that Lauren was having trouble with her voice. Lauren’s response? “I’m here, I’m ready to sing, and I’m fine…don’t worry about it.” Well. That was clear as mud.

But THEN Dr. Nizzari emerged, basically serving the role of the most intense doctor’s note ever in the history of the world. The upside? Dr. Nizzari was finally acknowledged on television for his fine work with the Idol contestants. The downside? During the rehearsal she was pushing her voice, she “kind of” blew out one of her vocal chords. (How does one “kind of ” blow out a vocal cord?) Her vocal chords were kind of rough and sprained like a badly sprained ankle. The Doc gave her a medicine and said she’d do great. Well, isn’t that just like a doctor? In case you are as confused as I was, this might shed more light on the situation.

Returning to our regularly scheduled program, Scotty won the coin tossed and deferred to Lauren, who chose to go second. Whew. Now that just sounds like a “hang up, no you hang up” kind of situation, doesn’t it?

Tonight’s mantra must have been “end on time” because even Ryan’s “This….. is American Idol” was rushed. And once the beginning of the show was done and Lauren was given the go ahead from the doctor clad in black scrubs, we were pushed into some sort of warp drive wormhole in which time ceased to move at a normal pace.

Scotty Performs “Gone”

A very calm Scotty hit the stage. So calm was he, that I questioned if he was really awake. His performance started lacking some energy…this was not as dynamic as his first performance of this song. But I do have to say when he hit that chorus, that was a moment. But Scotty managed to kind of crush that moment with his slow, meandering stroll across the stage to finish the song.

And this is more a complaint of the whole night, but it was really hard to hear Scotty’s actual vocal. The instruments and back ground vocalist came through much more strongly in the mix.

Personally, I’m glad that Scotty and I are on the same page here. This was definitely my favorite performance of his this season (the Elvis song was a close second).

But to say that “the race for the title is heating up live on American Idol” was kind of an overstatement.

Funny commercial during the break!

Lauren Performs “Flat on the Floor”

Lauren inserted a few more of her signature shimmies into the beginning to show that she was REALLY into this song, but managed to wobble a bit coming down the stairs. This performance, like Scotty’s, was a subdued version of the first time she performed it.

And then it seemed like she lost a little of her voice with that big note, which scared me a little bit but I’m sure scared the Doc much more after her proclaimed her fit to perform. And it’s possible that it scared the American Idol legal counsel a lot more than the Doc. I’m just sayin’.

But Lauren pulled it together and finished as strongly as she could.

George Strait’s Selection for Scotty

“Check Yes or No” by George Strait

At first I thought that the “Idol’s idol” pick was supposed to be their own song. But Lauren’s performance shattered that theory, so I’m left thinking that George Strait must think a lot of his songs. Or maybe didn’t have time to really think through a selection for Scotty.

And seriously. Where can I get myself some dulcimer lessons? It’s such a cool instrument. Almost as cool as the bass! 🙂

The eyebrow wiggle was back in command as Scotty sang through the song. I don’t think that the song showed a lot of dynamic contrast…even the modulation was pretty tame. So for me, the song choice was “meh”.

At this point, I didn’t feel like either contestant really had the fire to win. Which happened to coincide with how I felt. It’s possible that those two things were related…

Carrie Underwood’s Selection for Lauren

“Maybe It was Memphis” by Pam Tillis

Now Carrie really had her head in the game when she picked this song for Lauren. Maybe that’s ’cause she had a “home court advantage” of sorts. Maybe that’s ’cause she has a better assistant than George. Or…maybe it was Memphis.

Lauren’s costume outfit was sort of showgirl meets ballerina topped off with a pretty ugly necklace. 

But, I liked this performance. I thought it was the best of the night, really.

If only her bangs weren’t driving me nuts.

Judges’ thoughts on two rounds…

I don’t really get why the judges didn’t respond between each round? It seemed like a funny break. And listening to the judges try to recap their thoughts on both songs was kind of hard to listen to.

Randy basically thought they were really good. I refuse to include any other overused phrase of his here. Is Randy incapable of coming up with any new material? Sorry. Rhetorical question.

J. Lo basically tried not to state too strong an opinion and wanted world peace.

SteTy kept his vote squarely with his girl, Lauren, because she was prettier than Scotty. Scotty didn’t seem to be contesting that.

“Positive” by Taio Cruz

And just like that, the winning song of the “Perfect Harmony” contest was about to be performed by Taio Cruz.

Clearly, Mr. Cruz was dependent on his auto-correct microphone situation. And those lyrics were not earth shattering or anything. (“I put my hands up oh-nah-nah and stand up oh-nah-nah…”)

About a third of the way through poor Taio hit some microphone difficulties. The microphone cut out and then it seemed like the auto-correct went down. Then it came back up and then it went back down.

But, still, it was a catchy tune. And I especially liked that they gave James’ now out of work drumline a gig.

Scotty’s Single: “I Love You This Big”

This ballad was not that exciting to me, though he sang it competently. I think it kind of aged him. And can I be honest? I miss the low note ace-in-the-pocket that was so totally Scotty.

While Scotty sang, the violinist saw the camera and took the time for a Kodak moment. Dude. Be into your music.

At one point, the camera cut to his mom who was weeping. I can’t blame her. It was a big night for her boy!

And after the performance was over, Ryan tried to infuse some level of gumption in Scotty and kept trying to get Scotty to speak into his microphone. But Scotty continued to use his own microphone even though Ryan never put his down.

Lauren’s Single: “Like My Mother Does”

At first I thought that this emotional song choice would go the way of the parking-lot-breakdown and that it wasn’t the best idea. But then I started to realize Lauren’s strategy. Or maybe not Lauren’s, but someone directing her steps on this finale night. I’d like to call this performance “Emotional Manipulation: American Idol Edition.”

Halfway through the song, Ryan appeared to escort Lauren down the stairs to sing to her mom in the audience. And while I really am all for the parents in this whole situation, I wish that Simon was on deck to call the whole thing “self-indulgent”. Because it was. I don’t doubt that the emotion was genuine, but it was a pretty brilliant game plan. Whoever thought it up.

I might have felt differently if Lauren’s mom didn’t come off so annoying. But that’s where I’m at.

David Cook Performs “Don’t You Forget About Me”

Well, this was kind of random. But always good to see a fellow Idol winner return to the stage, right? And at least David had the decency to not sing about collard greens and cornbread.

The song was fine, but his version was much too low for him. Even a half step up would have been a better choice.

And boy did David Cook get a lot of face time on the finale tonight! Curiouser and curiouser.

So, that was the end of this rather rushed affair. The finale is now complete. The votes are cast. The Idol winner has been chosen, even though we don’t know who it is yet.

And maybe this is a mean thing to do, but I keep wondering what final duo would have made a more interesting finale.  James and Scotty? Paul and Pia? James and Haley? Casey and Jacob?

Have a thought on that? Put it in the comments. 🙂

Haddock out!

*Yeah. I didn’t really do that.

And the finalists are…

Well, it seems that the American Idol powers that be have heeded my request for continued efficiency in the trailer/recap department and given it (as Tim Allen would say) more power! The new and improved intro included NOT ONLY a trailer, but ALSO a recap of the previous nights events AND incorporated a one Mr. Jimmy Iovine’s thoughts on the remaining performers…all in one bite-size package. Mmm. That sounds like a snack.

Now, usually Ryan just announces the number of votes with aplomb and enthusiasm as if he was overwhelmed by the support “America” gave in this highly important arena. But last night, they really took it up  notch…as usually happens whenever you get the graphics department involved. Fireworks surrounded the “95 million Votes!” proclamation on the screen (behind which lies in wait the Staircase of Stardom). We’re really getting fancy here, aren’t we?

Top 4’s “Mission” (aka a promo for J.J. Abram’s new move “Super 8”)

Boy, was it good to see James again. I miss him and his crazy pyrotechnics.

The stars were able to meet J.J. Abrams, who did his best to convince us that he was just a regular Joe. His family loves American Idol! He just happened to be working on a movie and was in desperate need of feedback! He was just a small-town boy who used to shoot movies using super 8 cameras! Wait. Who does that? 

And he graciously introduced the Idols to his production company “Bad Robot”, but any self-respecting Alias/Lost fan already knows what that is. It’s the thing that you see right before you press a button to go on to the next episode as fast as humanly possible.

Hold up. Kyle Chandler is in this movie??? Mr. Early Edition? Coach Taylor? Well way to bury the lead, J.J. I’m in!

In which the hand-held camera people earn their paycheck

The Top 11 were out in full force tonight, gamely putting smiles on their faces and waving congenially to the camera. And speaking of the Top 11…I have big news.

I AM GOING TO SEE THE TOP 11 ON TOUR! Yes! Me! It just so happened that I was able to force plan a visit to see my BFF Sarah (which was already in the works before this happened. ’cause I like her WAY more than American Idol) at the EXACT time when the tour would be rolling near her home. How’s that for putting my money where my mouth is?

And when Jacob Lusk is wailing and weirding me out with his awkward mouth movements, I’ll still be with the bestest friend in the whole world, so it’ll be okay! I’m super excited. Super EIGHT excited. And you better believe I’ll be blogging about it.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about the giggly ways of Elle Fanning (star of Super 8). You might know her as Dakota Fanning’s sister. Scotty looked pleased as punch to be Elle Fanning’s 6-year old cousin’s pick to win it all. But Elle? Sweetie? It’s not really a big deal to know their names. That’s really pretty basic. Although I suppose it’s somewhat of a feat for a six-year-old. Not my niece, because she’s brilliant and she’s only 2. But for some kids.

CAUTION: Hometown visits always leave me blubbering like an idiot. I’m guessing that won’t affect my writing as much as it affects my make-up. But still. You’ve been fairly warned.

Haley’s Hometown Visit

Wheeling, IL

It was fun to watch Haley’s eyes grow huge when she realized that the stretch SUV limo was hers to ride around in. She probably thought American Idol was one of the shows that was going “green”. NAH!

I know it’s cheesy, but I thought it was hilarious that Aaron-the-Security-Guy made an appearance on her hometown visit. I thought it was LESS funny when they brought him on stage to fake cry. I’m just sayin’.

My favorite quote? “Thank you for freaking out.” – Haley to a fan with pink hair that was beside herself to be in Haley’s presence.

And Haley achieved what I can only assume was her life goal: having a group of guys write her name on their chests. Now if that isn’t a sign of success, I don’t know what is.

Ford Music Video

Meh.

Il Volo Performs “O Sole Mia”

We already have someone who sings this music. His name is Josh Groban. Sure, there’s only one of him. But he’s awesome. And I heart him. Forever.

I can’t deny that these guys have MAJOR vocal talent on their side. It’s impressive, really. But all I could think through their performance was that these guys are like the 4 Tenors meets the Jonas brothers. Right? Right.

Scotty’s Hometown Visit

Garner, NC

Scotty approached his hometown visit with his signature humor, easy-going “enjoy the ride” nature, gratefulness and humility. He seemed genuinely taken aback by the fervor of his supporters. And with that came the most heartbreaking shows of emotion ever! Or at least that’s what I told myself as my tears took a turn towards the “ugly cry”.

The impromptu duet with Josh Turner was something I’ve been hearing about (apparently, it was posted on YouTube before the show), and it was fun to watch it in person. What a good sport that Josh Turner is. Apparently, in this post, I like everyone named Josh.

My favorite quote? “I’ve only lived about 17 years so far. But this might just be the best day of my life.” – Scotty

Nicole Sherzinger (with 50 Cent)

I gave her 30 seconds and that was 30 seconds too many.

Lauren’s Hometown Visit

I thought I was going to make it through Lauren’s video account of her time at home with nary a tear. And let’s be honest, I needed the break. But then we hit the point in the visit where Lauren saw for the first time the wreckage of the storms that hit the south while she was away. The look of desolation and shock on Lauren’s face was too authentic to be faked.

My favorite quote? “I’m proud to be from Georgia just like you.” – to the 11-year-old boy who saved his family

Final Results

Oh, Ryan! Results after the break? That was a mean and rotten trick.

Final Results For Real

Scotty is in! Yay!

Lauren Alaina is in! Oh, man. I knew I shouldn’t have voted for Haley. It totally jinxed her. I feel like Haley deserved that spot so much more than Lauren. Sure, Lauren has a great voice, but I think Haley earned her spot in the finale. Ah, well. It’s probably for the best that she escaped the clutches of the American Idol contract so she can put out an album that suits her. But still. The injustice of it all. My only consolation is that now she’ll be reunited with her “friend” Casey.

And now Scotty’s gotta win. I probably won’t vote for him just so that he will.

Haddock out!

The Body, The Princess, and The Cool Cat

On the one hand, I kind of can’t believe that we’re one week away from the end of this whole shebang. (Oh, boy. I just had a mental image of William Hung. Sorry ’bout that!) On the other hand, I feel ready. For me, it’s a bit like college coming to an end. The beginning of the year starts with new school supplies, a new roommate, an exciting schedule. By the semester break, I started to get misty-eyed about leaving the safety of the college “bubble”. But by the end of the year, Mountain Dew was no longer sustaining my late-night sessions where I tried to frantically catch up on my dusty and neglected directed study class. All I wanted to do was sleep. Pop-tarts were beginning to lose their early morning appeal. I was ready to not live on a semester schedule. I was excited to have time to read books I actually wanted to again. (Although it did take me a while to drop the “skimming” habit).

So that’s where I’m at. Would I feel differently if another leprechanic constant was battling for a slot in the final two? Probably. But I guess we’ll never know, will we?

I’m assuming that the hometown visits will be covered in their entirety tonight on the results show. How else will they fill the time since we seem to be exhausting the music video route? I’m voting for NOT a longer Ford commercial. But they were kind enough to give us a sneak peek in which we saw:

1. Scotty make good on his promise to kiss the ground as soon as he arrived home.

2. Haley look remarkably at home with the rock star treatment.

3. Lauren channel her inner princess.

And Ryan urged us to not feel sorry for poor James. After all, he got a hometown reception, too. Thanks, Ry-Ry. That really softens the blow. NOT!

But here’s the question I pose to you: Is there any more noble calling than becoming a superstar?

Thank goodness Ryan was on deck to navigate us through the veritable labyrinth of the show last night. Here’s the breaky-break down.

Round 1 – Contestants choose their own songs.

Round 2 – Jimmy Iovine chooses the contestant’s songs. That’s right, Mr. Baseball Cap himself.

Round 3 – The judges choose the contestant’s songs. But no longer will one judge be able to “take the credit” if the song goes over well…J.Lo, SteTy, and RaJax put their heads together and came up with a song for each contestant. I can only imagine how that conversation went.

J.Lo: “I think Scotty should sing a Kenny Rogers song.”

SteTy: “Man, that’d be beautiful. Just beautiful.”

RaJax: “If he can pull that out, I think for me for him for you for me that’d work really nicely. Yo. Check it out. If he really puts his effort behind it, I can pull out my favorite phrase ever and yell it over and over. Okay. Let’s have him do a Kenny Rogers song.”

J.Lo: “Great. Glad we got that settled. Lauren should definitely sing “I Hope You Dance” since she looks like she’s going to a school dance ever week.”

SteTy: “She always looks beautiful. She sounds beautiful. Let’s give her a beautiful song.”

RaJax: “From day one we knew Lauren was going to be on this stage and I think she’ll blow this song out the box. This is her lane. And we know she’s got the wardrobe. I know! Let’s have her sing “I Hope You Dance”.

J.Lo (irritated): “Randy, I already said that. Moving on.”

RaJax: “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Back on up, J. Lo. Who died and made you queen? Let’s let Steven pick the song for Haley. Whatcho think, Steven?”

SteTy: “Since Haley is ticked off at you (under his breath) and for good reason, let’s give her an angry song. Something with profanity, I’m thinking…I know! Alanis Morissette!”

J. Lo (waves a hand dismissively): “Fine. It should be “You Oughta Know”, then. We done here?”

Let me just say for the record that Beyonce is probably the only person in the world that can be taken seriously while wearing a romper. It actually looked good on this musical maven.

ROUND 1

Scotty McCreery

“Amazed” by Lonestar

Scotty charmed Beyonce before he even walked into the room. As is Scotty’s way. What wasn’t cool is pretending that he’s never tried to sing in the upper register of his voice ever before. Dude. He’s done it multiple times. Why are we pretending like this is a new and sly trick he has up his sleeve?

I found it appropriate that Scotty (having been admonished to hold his microphone up and down so as to allow people to actually hear him) was leaning on the piano. Always gotta give something a slant, eh Scotty? I think the key change didn’t have as much power as he wished it had. He really tried to make it powerful, but the higher range didn’t have the depth to sustain it. He came back with a strong ending letting that note on Amaaaaaazed hang out there. I think it was a solid Scotty performance. And I’m impressed with his range, same as Beyonce.

It’s just unfortunate that Scotty’s fans can’t spell. I spotted individual members holding up letters that spelled “Scotyt”. Good try, guys. Good try.

Lauren Alaina

“Wild One” by Faith Hill

After her pep talk from Beyonce, Lauren took the stage with her signature “I’m having fun” shimmy. The song had a weak start but got stronger as she went and I think she pulled it out. What I’m confused about is not Lauren’s performance: she’s been pretty much the same throughout the entire competition. I’m just confused about her wardrobe choice…if I had to describe it, I’d say:

Gogo dancer meets flower child meets cow girl.

Haley Reinhart

“What Is and What Should Never Be” by Led Zeppelin

Leave it to Haley to pull out a Led Zeppelin song and give her dad some major television time by working it out so he could play on stage with her. Now, that’s using your noggin, Hay Hay! Her walk down the Staircase of Stardom was  a non-event but her turn around the judges table apparently made her dizzy because she took a little spill up the stairs. Her performance paused for maybe half a second and she recovered beautifully (as SteTy would say).

Now, that’s embarrassing. Of course, you want to show that you have a sense of humor about that kind of thing, but have to stay in character with the song, etc. Haley seems to have these situations more often than others. Anyone remember the lipstick teeth debacle of early 2011? In any case, though, I’m glad they didn’t dwell on it.

Still not buying Randy and J.Lo’s wholehearted embracing of Haley and trying to make up for their harsh criticism of her last week. It’s this little game we play. I hope “America” saw through it.

Did you notice? This week, Ryan was careful to shuttle the last contestant off the stage before turning it over to the judges to find out who “won the round”.

Haley’s behind the scene video taught us an unfortunate phrase. She told us that she and her father “…got the Led out.” Ew. I probably would have dwelt on this more, but I spotted some audience member wearing a dog costume. Now, that’ll throw anyone off course.

ROUND 2

Scotty McCreery

“Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not” by Thompson Squared

Scotty, really? Jean on jean? Sigh.

Our resident country crooner struck a kind of awkward pose at the guitar. Maybe his mic was too low? All I know is the slight crouching stance is probably not ideal for singing.

Ooo! A dulcimer! Cool!

At one point, the camera shot to Jimmy in his darkened glasses taking in Scotty’s performance of the song Jimmy lovingly bestowed on him. He looked so weird and uncomfortable, like he wanted to be anywhere but there. I’ll say this, he looked MORE comfortable seated next to Lady Gaga. And if that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is.

Say what you want about Scotty, but he totally connects to that camera! I thought the performance was good, but the ending was kind of abrupt, in my opinion.

I would like to commend J. Lo on her personal growth (no, I’m not talking about a mole) this season. Sure, she still interrupted SteTy. But she APOLOGIZED! They say the first step is admitting you have a problem…

I would also like to take this moment to shout at our dear Jennifer. YES, J.LO! You are the only one that likes his shorter hair!! (Keep it longer, Scotty. I implore you.)

As Scotty and Randy bonded over their hairstyles, Ryan took us to break having yet to utter the phrase “Scotty the Body”. And just when I was starting to get used to it.

Lauren Alaina

“If I Die Young” by Perry

One thing was abundantly clear while re-watching Lauren Alaina’s audition: her American Idol makeover has done a lot for her. The hair, the make up, the wardrobe…much more cohesive. Even if it does make me itch to see a corsage on her arm.

Jimmy really knocked it out of the park (am I allowed to use a baseball phrase if I hate the sport?) with this song choice. I really love this song (yes, I know it’s country). And with Lauren sporting her cutest outfit and least confusing outfit of the night, I was good to go. I think the performance was good, but it was missing a little something for me. It might have been a lack of depth or color to her voice. Or maybe it was a shortage of power. In any case, that was all forgotten when she missed her key change. I have no idea what actually happened…did she lose focus acknowledging her fan? Was she choked up with emotion? Did she just completely not hear it? Did her in-ear monitor go dead? Did she have an out of body experience? Was she dreaming of Scotty asking her to the prom? The truth remains to be told. But it took her a lot longer to lock back in than it did Haley with her little kerfuffle.

Haley Reinhart

“Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac

The take away from Haley’s audition video redux has to be the following:

1. Boy, has she gotten better through time! She showed some raw talent, but she’s really matured vocally through this whole experience.

2. This Haley/Randy rivalry started early! We should have seen the signs.

And then Haley stepped on stage, which was transformed into a…80’s music video? Seriously. The fog on stage. Haley’s gray and flow-y dress. It all looked very three decades ago. What cracked me up more than anything, though was that lady in the front row waving the mist away as if she was irritated at it for invading her space.  

I really liked this performance. Parts of it were a little low and hard to make out. And I’m sure the wind machine didn’t really help.  But, I was super on board with the way she layered the song.

Randy, of course, took this time to say that he would grow his hair out if he could have a wind machine. Oh, Randy. Pipe down.

[Side note:] Is anyone else getting the impression that Idol is trying to singlehandedly bring back music videos? Sheesh.

I sat, mostly dumbfounded, during this ridiculous video in which Beyonce flitted in and out of shots like a demented bird. I’ll say this, I would have rather watched all the Ford commercials from the entire season end to end TWICE. ‘Nough said?

Scotty McCreery

“She Believes In Me” by Kenny Rogers

I’ve come to depend on my friend Johanna’s knowledge of country songs, since it is a well-documented fact that this type of music is not my favorite. So, when Scotty started with his opening notes and Johanna gasped loudly…well, I’ll just let you experience it for yourself.

Johanna: “OH!”

Me (whispering): “What’s wrong?”

Johanna (whispering back): “He’s never worn a blazer before.”

Scotty has got the smolder plus the low note going for him. Those two things alone should hopefully land him in the finals. Someone clue me in: there was a big chorus? I didn’t notice a big chorus. Maybe I’m just on so much country overload from this episode that my ears closed out of self-defense.

Lauren Alaina

“I Hope You Dance” by Lee Ann Womack

This song brought back lovely and hilarious memories from the Hollywood round. Remember this?

If this whole singing thing ever gets old, I think Scotty could really market a new snack: Nuts of Wonder. HA!

The song had a few minor pitch wavers but all in all, this was right up Lauren’s alley. She didn’t have to strive very hard to fit this song into her repertoire.

Haley Reinhart

“You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morsiette

I thought Haley made lemonade out of lemons with this pick from the judges. She really rocked it out and made it comfortable for her, but the verses were super low. I just wish she would have changed it a little bit more.

Still, the judges clearly wanted to paint her in an angry light to end the night. And no, I didn’t mean to rhyme. 🙂

My Takes:

1. Scotty played it smart by singing songs that put words like “kissing” and “love” in his fan’s heads. Methinks that translates to some serious voting power.

2. Lauren stayed status quo…about the same as she’s been for the last 10 weeks. She hasn’t shown the growth that the other two have.

3. Haley was like a breath of fresh music in the midst of the mire of country. Ahem. Did I say that out loud?

In a few short hours, we’ll know the results. I’m sure Ryan will try to have some fun with us. And we’ll have to solider through a 50 Cent performance. But, hey. All for the love of the finale, eh?

Haddock out!

Hometown Hopefuls

Talked with my mom (huge Haley fan who happens to be on East Coast time) last night and we commiserated and spoke at length, in rising indignant tones, about the injustices Haley faced last night. As we ended the conversation, I left her with one final charge. “Mom,” I said, “If Haley’s the one who goes home tonight, can you text me? I’ll need some time to tone down my rage before actually watching the show.” My mother, used to my dramatic nature, kindly agreed. As of almost 10 PM MST last night, I had not received a text. Hence and therefore, I presumed she was not leaving. And that means there are only three other options. My math prowess is just stunning, isn’t it?

Ryan opened the show looking poised and regal with a starry, starry night backdrop behind him. As he slowly walked to his new mark, it became clear that the Idols were supposed to move to a different place on stage. I’m not sure that was really executed well. I’m just sayin’.  Ryan also gave us the run-down of who was on tonight’s show.

1. Enrique Iglesias. Is that guy still alive?

2. Lady Gaga. Well, that should be interesting and most probably inappropriate.

3. Jordin Sparks. Yay! I like her.

But most of all I was excited to see Casey back in the audience being his affable self. He’s no Enrique Iglesias. THANK GOODNESS.

I’m not sure who was behind the montage/trailer combination business but I really liked it! I didn’t feel as though I was strictly watching back everything I had seen 24 hours earlier and it felt nice and concise. Just like I like it. They should have adopted this years ago.

Scotty and James Perform “Start a Band”

Scotty started the song out surrounded by various audience folk. But before the camera could cut from Scotty to James, some small child took a flying leap onto the judges’ platform.  Did you guys see that? I’m not making this stuff up. And while the guys were doing a good job, as far as I could tell, I was completely distracted by the ankle-biters holding instruments that were circled around the judges platform. Where did these wee ones come from?

I clicked back into the performance, just in time to see Scotty and James hit the stage and grab their instrument of choice. Scotty’s was, of course, a good ‘ole acoustic guitar while James, as you might expect, was holding a black and white swirled electric guitar with a (wait for it) racoon-like tail attached. Oh, James.  You really crack me up.

“Gunpowder and Lead” by Haley and Lauren

Boy, did Haley looks FANTASTIC and she sound phenomenal. Vocally, both girls are such powerhouses, so it was nice to see them paired together again. There was a little bit of fun, flair, and a brief segment featuring Lauren and Haley’s hairography. Nicely done, girls.

In which I gripe about American Idol having another product to sponsor. (Yes, again.)

Windows 7?!? Really? After Bing last week? I mean, it’s good that they got to talk with their families and everything, but hasn’t Skype been doing this whole video phone thing for a while now? And the fact that we got to watch their conversations was cute and all…but how much can you really say to your family (after months away from them) with a camera man in the same room? C’mon, people. Give these folks their privacy! It’s not like “America” doesn’t already take a piece of it.

Results Round 1

The stools on the side of the stage made a magical transformation from silver (bad) to gold (good).

And just like that, Lauren Alaina is in the top three! It was at this point that I knew James was a goner. I can’t explain it, really, because I was darn certain that he’d be in the finals. But the sick feeling in my stomach told me a different story.

The Top 4 Get in the Gaga Spirit

Oh, so a “performance” by Gaga means watching a video of her performing “You and I” at a concert. Got it. You’d have thought that American Idol would have more pull to get her live since she was the mentor for the week. Ah, well. Alls fair in love and…Gagaville.

At first I thought she looked shockingly normal but then…I saw what she was wearing. Or rather, what she WASN’T wearing. And the piano was wicked awesome–would have been amazing if paired with Crystal Bowersox’s mic stand. But then it became not as cool as a backdrop to her weirdness…crouching on the bench and then standing on the bench completely bent over playing the piano. Then there was the matter of the shirtless guitarist. Oookay. I wonder if these people think they are too good for clothes? What would be hilarious is if Lady Gaga did a fashion line. Ha! That just made me chuckle on the inside.

Dirty Dancer (and I Like It) by Enrique Iglesias

Man, this guy doesn’t age. And saying that he sang would probably be a generous description of tonight’s “performance”. A few things:

1. Was his microphone loud enough? I couldn’t really hear him.

2. I wonder why he looked so sad? Or maybe worried? 

3. Maybe he has a memory problem and can only remember one line of lyrics a at a time?

4. What did the balloons have to do with anything?

Ford Music Video

I love this song! They seem to be really into artistic expression in these videos, don’t they? Just an observation. Also, raise your hand if you’ve ever gone to AmericanIdol.com to see a Ford video. Anyone? Anyone? Okay, then.

Jordin Sparks Performs “I am Woman”

What. The. Heck. Happened. To. Jordin. Sparks?

It really is a Lady Gaga world isn’t it? She used to be sweet and fun and pop-y. I couldn’t even take my eyes off the performance. It seemed like she struggled to get the trench coat off to reveal her Rockette-style dress, but she made up for that in whipping the jacket firmly to the floor once she managed to disentangle her arms.

She really committed to the performance, I’ll give her that. But as a Jordin fan, I was left really confused.

‎”Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” ~ Margaret Thatcher

I wonder if it’s the same with the word “woman”?

SteTy’s Music Video “(It) Feels So Good”

Point of order. Why is that the “people who title songs sometimes feel the need to include some of the title in parenthesis? Either the words in the title are important or they aren’t. Let’s get that ambiguity outta here!

Is it weird that SteTy reminds me of Johnny Depp? Musically, SteTy’s still got it.  I’ve never seen so much movement/animation from him as the video came to a close and he jumped up from his seat to take a turn around his chair.

Results Round 2

And Haley Reinhart is in! Take THAT, Randy.

The two guys stood side by side and the difference in their body language was palpable. Scotty seemed calm, cool, collected and ready to accept his fate while James looked petrified as he teared up.

Final Results

And my stomach, dratted predictor that it is, was proven right. James was given the boot (thanks a LOT, “America”) while Scotty took a seat on his golden stool. I was sad. I was more surprised at this than Casey’s departure night. And I’m going to miss James’ shenanigans, though luckily not for long.

If only I could end it there. But…

James kind of deteriorated into a sniffling mess. I suppose he can take comfort in the fact that he wasn’t alone. J.Lo was right there with him. Honest-to-goodness (even though I loved him and wanted him to win), I think James got a little full of himself there towards the end. He started to go off on how he’s done so many things on the show that no one else had ever done, etc. etc. It was just not as classy of an exit was I was hoping for.

I do NOT know for the LIFE of me why he chose his exit song. This, the song that made him have is now-infamous parking lot breakdown? You’re going to sing it when you’re emotional about leaving the show, too? Now, James. That’s just not even logical. It doesn’t touch logical with a ten-foot pole! Keeping it real, it got a little awful there for a second. But at the end of the day, he’ll be back on stage in one short week. So, all in all, I’m glad he stayed as long as he did.

For the record (since I know someone out there is keeping some sort of record), I’m now a Haley fan. I know it took me longer than some to jump on her bandwagon, but I think she deserves to win. She’s definitely the most innovative contestant left. But I wonder if “America” might do her a favor to pick someone else to win the whole shebang. Then she wouldn’t be locked into an American Idol contract and could have a little more freedom in what album she does. Anyhoo.

It’s almost all over! Can you believe it? That just makes me super excited for SYTYCD. Who’s with me?

Haddock out!

Four on the Floor

Guys. I almost had a panic attack before watching the show tonight. After all, with Jacob gone the drama factor is down almost 86.2%! (I did that math right there in my head!)  But how could I have forgotten that next week was hometown visits? Those visits bring drama of the highest order. And we’re just one week away!

As I’ve said before–but I’ll say it again because Lord knows that economy of speech isn’t my cross to bear–I think any of the four could walk away with the title and I’d be okay. I think some deserve it more than others, but the top four is pretty great at what they do.

And the trailer this week (thanks, guys, for the crisp and clear font choice!), gave me chills and there might have been a few tears. Not break-down-in-the-parking-lot tears or anything, but still.

The judges were introduced. I thought to myself “I wish I had kept every episode DVR’d so I could look back and see how many times SteTy’s jacket matched his pants exactly.” Random, I know. Randy looked like he was wearing some sort of women’s denim jacket. Nice of him to do some marketing for J. Jill, eh?

There was a weird lack of applause as Lauren adjusted her half-a-dress train and for me (for you) a weird lack of recognition of the writers of this week’s feature theme. Jerry Lieber and Mike Stroller? Who? Something tells me that the elder Mike Stroller isn’t pleased to have his songs within 10 feet of Lady Gaga. Who, now has a world in Farmville called Gagaville, b. t. dubs.

James Durbin

“Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey

In his intro “package”, James waxed eloquent about never having stopped believing in his dream blah, blah, blah. I’m sure it’s true, but the whole interview felt a little forced to me. And to be completely honest, I’m not sure he can do better than Glee’s recent rendition of this song. Oh, okay! You twisted my arm. Here it is. Just for the fun of it. 🙂

But let’s give the Durbs a shot, eh?

I liked the connectivity of the way James sang it and (CONFESSION! CONFESSION!) the tail is kinda growing on me. Not literally, of course, that’d be gross. He’s converted me. I sit corrected.

But you know what? As a James fan and someone that has voted for him ever since Casey departed the stage a few weeks ago, I felt like James trying to be someone else. The song choice was too slowslahshokey and not edgy enough for a James performance.

And him wearing a Journey t-shirt? I don’t know. It’s kind a like wearing a red t-shirt and khaki pants to Target if you know what I’m sayin’.

But this performance afforded Randy the opportunity to do what he loves best…exploit his connections and talk about himself while pretending to care about a performance.

I’d like to think that fishy face that James did while Ryan was giving “America” James’ numbers was for me. My last name IS a fish after all.

Back from Break

So, Coca-cola sprung for some new snazzy plastic cups. Clearly this is newsworthy. SteTy is now a best-selling author. C’mon now, Ry-Ry. Leave the pimping of the judges to the results show! Randy snagged the book and then kept holding it up as if he had strict instructions to not lower his arm. You know like in Speed when Sandra Bullock has to keep the bus going a certain number of miles an hour or the bus will blow up? Like that. But not.

Haley Reinhart

 “The Earth Song” by Michael Jackson

I think this was Haley’s best intro package to date. Notice how she worked in a phrase like “melodic masterpiece” into her description of her song choice? Nice, Haley. Nice.

Oh, Haley. You brought back the choir? I thought we were done with that with Jacob gone! Gosh, I love the grit to her voice, even if it does make my throat hurt a little bit. The song ramped up and really went somewhere in the last chorus and I was pleased to see that the choir behaved as a choir should and  filed off the stage very nicely.

[Side note: Casey spotting! OH CASEY! Supporting his one true love!! I don’t think I’m wrong about this relationship, folks.]

And then it was time for the Haley massacre of 2011. I don’t really understand why the judges (with the exception of SteTy) hate Haley so much? It’s been off and on this season, but tonight just took it to a while ‘nother level. It was almost like they were rabid dogs and Haley was wearing Lady Gaga’s meat dress.

Randy had the audacity to say that the song wasn’t in her wheelhouse and J. Lo thought it was the wrong thing to do because it’s not a recognizable song. Let’s just keep that in mind because I’ll be coming back to this later.

Up until now Haley has taken it on the chin and let their comments roll off her back, but Randy’s comment that she was at the top of her range and “screamy”, was the final straw. Haley shot back with “That’s not the top of my range. I felt it.” And when Randy kept driving the knife in deeper, saying that he thought the end sounded “one note” and the should have done some more “runs”, Haley came back with “I thought it was beautiful the way it was.”

Now, normally I shake my head at these kind of comebacks and tell the contestants to bite their tongue, but I feel like Haley deserved her moment to talk back to the judges. They’ve been really harsh on her week after week and I think it’s undeserved. Randy kept going saying the same things over and over again and a brow-beaten Haley responded, “I heard it. I know. Do you have to say it again?” No, he didn’t. But he did anyway. Grr…

SteTy swooped in with a point towards his fellow judges and a “They’re wrong.” and no one seemed happier than Casey Abrams, happy to be in the audience cheering for his girl. I daresay that’s the most fire SteTy has ever had in delivering a critique. There was not a “beautiful” to be found. 

Poor Haley. She really gets a bad rap. Watching her stand up there and get hammered repeatedly bruised my heart a little bit.

Ryan was right to ask: “What’s she supposed to do with that concoction of feedback?”

Well put, Ry-Ry. Well put.

Scotty McCreery

“Where were you when the world stopped turning” by Alan Jackson

Still staying with that Scotty the Body thing, eh Ryan? Gettin’ some good mileage out of that are you?

In his intimate sit-down with Ryan, Scotty talked about what a hometown visit would mean to him. And it was clear that he has his priorities straight:

1. Kiss the grass 

2. Eat fried chicken and drink sweet tea

I liked this performance as much as someone with an aversion to Alan Jackson could. LOVED Scotty with his guitar. He brought emotion to the song even though the background vocalists overpowered him on the chorus. The phrasing really showed his conviction at the end. All I could think is that was a really mature performance. I love that goofy Scotty is transformed on stage when the moment is right. I thought his vocal runs were smart choices.

I didn’t appreciate that his exit interview was pretty much word-for-word what he said in the intro video. Guy, you gotta write some new material or at least make it SEEM different. Mkay?

Lauren Alaina

“Anyway” by Martina McBride

Lauren came across totally staged and I got the impression that she was reading her lines in the intro video. And why does she constantly look like she can’t hold up her eyelids? Igniting the midnight petroleum too much, Lauren?

I liked this song and it showed her voice off nicely, but it wasn’t a ton different from the original version. She did a convincing imitation of Martina McBride, which admittedly is kind of hard to do. and sounded great, but it just wasn’t very ground-breaking. 

One question: Why does Lauren always look like she’s going to the prom? Maybe she missed hers or something and is living vicariously through the wardrobe department?

In contrast to Haley’s performance, I kind of can’t believe the feedback she was getting. They practically showered her with compliments. Not that she’s not a strong performer. I just didn’t think it was worthy of all those accolades.

Hey J. Lo, thanks for pointing to your throat when you said “vocal performance”. We really needed that extra help to understand what you were saying.

Ryan sends us to break

But before he did, he handed it off to J. Lo and asked whom she thought had won the first round. She hemmed and hawed a bit and let the audience yell out their favorite, but Randy…who is quickly becoming my least favorite judge…was quick to jump in and answer the question even though Ryan had moved on and asked him “Who do you think needs to up their game for round two?”

Randy’s response? Scotty/James/Lauren tied for first place and Haley needed to work on her performance. And Haley gave an audible and sarcastic “Oh, that’s nice” before turning her head to show how his words affected her.

Randy. Really? Really and truly? You’re going to go there? That was below the belt. It was a jerkface move of the highest kind. Poor Haley was having a hard time keeping it together.

I’m wracking my brain. Did she sacrifice a beloved pet? Blast them in the media? Key their car? It has to be something, right?

Back from break

Ryan alerted us to a switch in the lineup and Haley smoothly took James’ slot, leaving him to close the show. I wonder what happened to James? It’s clear that this was not an intended move because the phone numbers didn’t line up with their performance order.

Haley Reinhart

“I Who Have Nothing” by Ben E. King

I was somewhat gratified to hear Lady Gaga’s commentary after hearing Haley sing this song. She turned to Jimmy and said “It’s perfect” and then gave Haley a note to insert a little more drama. And if there is anyone in the world who is an expert on drama, it would have to be Lady Gaga, right?

After the beat down that Haley got in the last round, this song choice made me tear up. I thought I heard an emotional waver at the peak of the song, but it passed so quickly that I could have been wrong. Haley sang her heart out and gave another great performance

The judges, ever mindful of their place in “America’s” living rooms, gave her a standing ovation. It could have been genuine, the song certainly warranted it, but it came across a little patronizing to me. They wanted to undo the damage they did in the first round…Ryan even went so far as to have Randy and Haley give each other a hug. the whole thing just made my skin crawl.

The one redeeming factor in their critique came from a Mr. Steven Tyler: “You just ‘reinharted’ your way into the middle of next week.” Well, I can’t say it any better than that! I hope she got the underdog vote last night.

Scotty McCreery

“Young Blood” by the Coasters

Could Scotty have been more uncomfortable when GaGa told him to pretend that the microphone was his girlfriend and she was telling him to stick his tongue down her throat or they were through? His reaction was hilarious. And later when she was asked about her critique, she said something like “I guess he’s more conservative. I hope he didn’t take offense…” But what was even funnier is that she exchanged glances with the camera man that seemed to say “There are conservative people in the world? I had no idea!”

Scotty took the whole thing in stride and laughed it off, which I have come to love about him.

I love, love, loved Scotty’s humor showing through the song and his stage presence was great, too. He kept the song on pitch even while he traveled what seemed to be the entire length of the auditorium. I think it was kind of a fun song choice and it did make him push for the higher register of his voice. But I also think it wasn’t diverse enough to really showcase his voice. Honestly? I think it was the wrong song choice for him. He did sing it well, though.  

And here is my issue with J. Lo:

Remember when J. Lo told Haley that the song wasn’t recognizable enough? Um, who has ever heard of this song? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that a MICHAEL JACKSON song is probably more recognizable to the American public than a song by The Coasters. Yet, there was no feedback of this sort from the lovely Jennifer Lopez.

And Randy told us that this was a view of the two sides of a Scotty concert. Isn’t that what he said last week?

Lauren Alaina

“Trouble” by Elvis Presley

Gosh, she came on stage with more sass and fire than I’ve ever seen from Lauren Alaina. She completely OWNED the first part of that song. But she lost a little steam in the second half and vocally, the end was a little rough. There was so much going on around her that I don’t know if the judges didn’t notice or what. But there were some note wobbles in there.

And here is my issue with Randy:

Remember when Randy told Haley that her song choice was confusing because it’s not who she was as an artist? Um, yeah. He told Lauren that she was outside her “pop/country” zone and complimented her for it! Double standard, party of one?

James Durbin

“Love Potion No. 9” by The Clovers

James’ second performance showed that he was totally in the zone. It was classic James, complete with staging, lighting, wardrobe, vocal, etc. He couldn’t have picked a better way to show his voice off, in my humble opinion. I did think the end “love potion [huge ginormous pause that I could have driven my car through] no. 9”  was a bit much. But he was clearly having the time of his life. And I thought his version of the song was the best performance of the night.

Randy: “You are now what I love about sports.” I don’t even know how to touch that one. And since I’m rather a Randy-hater at this particular point in time, I’ll just move swiftly along.

A few quick notes:

1. Did you notice that Casey got more audience camera time than Paul did?

2. I thought it was so cute when Ryan dismissed the show with a “good luck all y’all!” to the contestants and Scotty whipped his head around with a gigantic grin and elbowed Ryan good-naturedly in the ribs. Ah, the south and their verbal redundancies. 🙂

In a fair world, I think Lauren should go home tonight. While she’s a strong vocalist, she hasn’t grown musically as much as her fellow top four-ers. And I think she gave the weakest performances tonight. Haley should stick around for top three and then I’m leaning towards a James/Scotty finale.

What do you think? And more importantly, did you vote?

Haddock out!