Or, rather I should say that I’m choosing MY own adventure tonight. Let me explain. You see, today I instant messaged one of my office BFFs, Renee. I think I said something like, “Only two more days in NaBloPoMo, but I’ve only got tomorrow’s post figured out! AHHHHH! What am I going to do?” And then I had a brilliant idea. BRILL.IANT. What is the best way to do something that you don’t want to do? Have someone else do it for you! And Renee is just that kind of a friend. So, I told her my idea. Which was, essentially, for her to write questions and I would answer them in tonight’s post. Little did I know that she would embrace it like she did! What follows is a merry little journey on a deserted island, which is almost entirely NOT written by me. Should I be concerned that her first reaction was to send me far away on a deserted island?? (THANKS, RENEE!) For clarity, my responses will be in BLUE
“You sit up, drenched in a cold sweat. The sun is high in the sky, and you blink fiercely several times. You look around. The ocean crashes on white sandy beaches in front of you. Behind you, the jungle is teeming with the sounds of birds, animals, and *shudder* insects. It begins to come back to you; you were on a cruise. A wonderful, company paid cruise to the Bahamas. You remember the terrible storm, the rolling waves, the shipwreck!
You call for help. You scream for any other survivors. It appears you are alone. That’s really sad. You wish that you had a companion. Especially: (person. fictional or not and why)
Hmm. There’s a lot of criteria that would need to go into this decision. But I’m going to go with my not-fictional friend, Tiffany Walker. She’s a problem-solver, knows how to hunt (or at least shoot), would be a fun conversationalist, and we could pass our time singing Glee tunes and discussing the finer points of The Hunger Games trilogy. OH NO! Am I going to be off this island by March 23, 2012??!?! Plus, animals love her. And she knows a lot about them.
Luckily, you see your suitcase washed up on the sand a few feet away from you. What are the odds!? You tear into it and are relieved to find the three items you could NEVER live without: (If you say a satellite phone, I will come through the screen and smack you for cheating.)
Yikes! Would it be cheating to have packed a Super Target with Starbucks in it? I’m guessing “yes”. So let’s go with:
– My Bible, a journal, and a pen (it’s a SET, okay?).
– A big bottle of hand sanitizer. There’s bound to be a lot of yuckiness teeming in that water. Safety and health first!
– My pillow. What am going to do? Put my head on a bug-infested log? Uh-uh. I don’t think so.
With your treasures, you somehow feel bolstered. “Alright,” you say out loud “first order of business: (whatever you think the first order of business would be.)”
To find a Super Target with a Starbucks inside? Oh…no? Okay. Probably the first order of business would be for me make a fire and boil some ocean water to make it drinkable. Hello, hydration!
Brushing your hands off and sighing with relief that you are done with that, you hear something behind you. You jump. It is a foe! Pick which one you would rather face-off with:
a) a clown
b) a GIANT SPIDER
c) a hungry jungle cat
Here is what you have available to you:
a) a hefty pipe from the ship’s engine room that happens to be conveniently located near the altercation
b) a delicious brownie that will most certainly distract your assailant, but might be your only source of food
c) a Jack Sparrow wig–beads and all. There was awesome entertainment on your cruise
Oh, gosh. This is a hard one. Since it’s a foe, I’m guessing that this is not a friendly clown but a derranged kind of clown bent on my ultimate destruction. I do NOT want a killer clown roaming the island with me. The jungle cat is also a big threat seeing as how The Parent Trap has taught me that clicking two sticks together is no kind of a defense against a predator. So, as much as I hate to do it, I’d have to choose the giant spider. After all, I have much more experience dealing with spiders than I do clowns or jungle cats. Gotta go with my strengths. I should have chosen to have my bug vacuum in my suitcase, huh. CURSES! Any chance that hefty pipe is actually a wand which I could point towards the spider with a firm “Riddikulus”? Okay, then. You best believe I’ll be wielding that hefty pipe like an arachnid samurai when facing my foe.
Panting but unharmed, you walk away and decide that you want to see what provisions might be on the other side of the beach.
Your toes hit something hard and shiny just barely sticking out of the sand. “A Lamp!” You cry, digging it out of the sand. It looks exactly like the one from Aladdin. You chuckle as you rub it with your wrist, only half expecting Robin Williams to pop out. But you scream as he actually does! And not blue-genie Robin Williams, but real, honest to goodness Robin Williams! But his feet are all weird and smooshed together from being in the lamp for too long and got stuck in the top so he still kind of looked like the genie from Aladdin.
“Thanks for letting me out of there! Boy, have I got a crick in my neck. In return for your kindness, I will grant you three wishes.”
Of course, you wish for him to get you off the island. Your mama didn’t raise no fool.
“I can rescue you,” he said, “but you will be eternally bound to the cast of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. They will be like your loud, dysfunctional family and you will not get away from them for all eternity. Those are the rules according to my genie contract.”
(Can I just say for the record that if I was stranded on an island with Robin Williams, I’d probably strangle him? Okay, thanks. Now that I got that out of my system…)
You sigh and:
a) accept your fate as a member of the cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta
b) Say, “No thanks, Rob, I’ll take what the jungle throws at me.”
Well, what better use of my counseling degree than to use it with The Real Housewives?? I think I could really do some good there. But, seeing as how there’s only one sane me and about a gazillion crazy thems, I’m going to go with whatever the jungle throws at me.
IF YOU CHOOSE TO CONTINUE:
“You know what will help–I can give you FOUR wishes if you will choose one from each of these categories. Consider it a BOBOBOGO sale. I can get you:
a) one song to listen to
I consulted iTunes for this to see what my most frequently played tune is. And the winner is…Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Followed closely by Dynamite by Taio Cruz. My interests are teasingly diverse. 🙂
b) one food to eat
I should probably say a superfood like quinoa or kale. But I’m going to go with mashed potatos. At a time like this, there’s no food like comfort food…
c) one book to read
Since I already have my Bible, I’m going to go with The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh. I just want to read it over and over again….Plus, it could be helpful in determining edible vegitation!!
d) one movie to watch
The Holiday. It’s weird, but I could watch that movie end on end and not get tired of it.
Whaddya say, sweets?”
After granting your wishes, you say to him something along the lines of, “Thanks, Robin Williams. It was great to meet you. Make sure you stretch out your feet every once in a while so they’re not stuck in the top of that lamp next time” and head off to build a shelter for yourself.
You spend exactly 13 minutes putting together what you would consider a rather impressive hut complete with indoor plumbing and a super-cute reading nook when suddenly, a cherubic child pokes a curly blonde head in the door. “Lady,” She says, “Pretty lady, why are you here?”
“Well, my boat crashed and I’m all alone.”
“Not anymore!” The child yells. “Guys, she is here! Our queen is here!”
At least 30 children, all around the same age come rushing in screaming, cheering, and holding something black and brick-like aloft. You realize it is a satellite phone!
Do you stay and become queen of the sweet little children and live on the island or do you use the sat phone to call for help?
Um, I definitely use the sat phone to call for help. Being a queen is nice and all, but electricity is much more important in the grand scheme of things. That…and Starbucks. 🙂