Just a handful left. If they were tiny.

I wonder if Ryan is starting to feel like he’s in a rut? Ten seasons, hosting the same show, week after week, year after year with the “Thisss is Ammericann Idol!” And since the producers would probably not take too kindly to changing the name of the show to help switch things up for poor Ry-Ry, that leaves one other option. The delivery of the line. Here’s what Ryan is trying out these days.

“This…

I dusted my end table
Found myself a blanket
Popped out my footrest on my trusty blue recliner
Painted my toenails
Drank an entire can of ginger ale

…is Ammerrican Idol!”

Hey, it’s given me a lot more time to accomplish some key tasks, so I think he should stick with it.

Just a quick note to the dear Steven Tyler fans in the audience: The “Walk This Way” signs are getting old. Maybe you should get yourself a new song/album title to play off of? Just a suggestion. I think SteTy would appreciate you using even just a smidge of the creativity he uses when getting dressed each day.

Ryan also gave me the first hint of the night saying that “Some fans will be disappointed by who is voted off tonight.” And while that could really mean anything since we’re at the top 6 stage, the years I’ve spent getting to know Ryan tells me that it’s probably NOT Jacob who will be departing the Idol stage. Insert deep sigh here.

A few weeks back, Ryan did a whole little song and dance around the fact that J. Lo was named the “Most Beautiful Woman in the World”. Okay, fine. But are we now going to be updated every single time a judge or anyone related to the show is in the media? They’ve been stars for a while. I’m sure being judges upped their fan base. I don’t know that we need this kind of education. Plus, Randy is going to start to feel left out.

Turns out our Idoloonies, in honor of today’s Royal Wedding, went to the British consulate for a crash course in all some things British. Someone, I forget who, made a comment that they were on British soil and it was their first time or something. And, because I’m not always the brightest, they had me questioning if they made a trip to the UK that week! But the British consulate has to be in the United States and some sort of factoid niggling in the back of my brain reminded me that consulates are considered property of their country which made the whole “foreign soil” comment make sense. Sheesh, guys. You shouldn’t make me work so hard! I’m right, right? Someone smarter than me back me up here.

This trip to “The UK” included a sampling of fish and chips, some fancy duds, Casey attempting to get someone to push him in a pool, and a few issues with language.

Scotty, “mate” is more of an Australian thing. As in “G’day, mate”. See Crocodile Dundee if you have further questions.

Haley and Lauren, “addios” is what you would say to bid goodnight to someone in Spain or Mexico. It’s a spanish word, you see. Someone get Karen Rodriguez back here to help these girls!

The Top 6 Do a Carole King Medley

Nice job, guys. When you consider the fact that prior seasons have lip-synced  to these numbers, Idol has come a long way. My favorite piece of it was James and Haley together. Dang, can James sing a mean harmony! Lauren was also a standout…maybe a little overstylized, but really well done. And while there was a little discrepancy, in general, the girls blended with each other beautifully. Haley had the best outfit of the night, in my opinion. And I had to laugh at the end because it looked like Jacob was in the wrong spot and tried to move over into his right ending position only to be relegated to the back row. Either he lost his place or they were dividing by part or something. I choose to believe it’s the first of those two options, because I really needed a laugh.

Ford Music Video

Cool concept. But…wait….yep, I still don’t care.

Crystal Bowersox “Ridin’ with the Radio”

Wait, is that Casey playing the dulcimer? Nope. Just another dude with a beard. It’s good to know that she hasn’t changed much musically. Boy, I’ve missed that mic stand. She’s got a niche. Rocking out on an…organ? Rocking out on a…harmonica? I should bring my kazoo to THIS shindig.

She joined the ranks of Elliot Yamin and fixed her teeth. Remember that guy?

Interview Round

Well, this was not as terrible as I thought it would be. The questions came from people who wrote in and the Idols clearly were answering on the fly. I give you exhibit A:

Q to Casey: If you could do a duet with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?

A: Oscar Peterson…a famous jazz musician.

When Casey answered this seriously and in-depth, with no jokes, funny quips, or request to be thrown in the pool, Ryan almost didn’t know what to do with himself. But, professional that he is, he moved on.

Jacob answered his question, but I was mostly focused on the shot of his mom in the audience.

Sweet Lauren answered her question (“What’s the hardest thing about being an Idol contestant?”) briefly and then sent out love to all those affected by the horrid weather in AL, GA, TN. Which then, Ryan had to piggyback on lest American Idol seem to be more focused on events across the pond than those in our own backyard. Nice save, Ry.

Scotty’s question was my favorite.

Q to Scotty: “Did you ever have a pre-Idol job?”

A from Scotty: “Oh yeah, man. I worked at a grocery store back home…ask me Granny Smith apple, 4017 that’s the code…”

James went on a bit about how he’s always playing with some band or another and then Haley tested out a new career in diplomacy when asked “Who’s your favorite American Idol contestant?”

Haley rattled off a laundry list of Idols past (Adam Lambert, Siobahn Magnus, Kelly Clarkson) and gave props to the reigning Idol, Lee and stuck in Kris as an afterthought.

Next stop, United Nations.

Results

Ryan must have mentioned that things were in random order about a billion times in a 10 minute space of time. Okayyy, Ryan. We get it. Don’t make assumptions about how the Idols are doing based on the order you call their names.

Now, I’m guessing in dress rehearsal that the Idols had strict instructions to finish singing and then hold a pose for a few seconds for the recap purposes. I counted at least three of the six that could not hold it together for that small space of time. Sometimes it came across as a giggle ahemHaleyahem. Sometimes the person could reign it in enough that it just looked like a smirk ahemCaseyahem. And others ALMOST made it ahemJacobahem but lost it at the end.

I think all this “sidekick” business is giving Jimmy Iovine a complex. It’s clear that he felt he wasn’t getting his fair share of face time, so the obvious solution? Let’s ask his opinion about each Idol contestant! Hey, the show has to be filled somehow. And this way, we can all update our “What hat is Jimmy wearing now?” notebooks.

Haley is first.

Jimmy’s assessment: She doesn’t really know who she is as an artist yet.

And then the results…Haley is SAFE! Uh-oh. I smell an upset. This is all because I told my mom and sister to fight sleep and stay up and vote. 

Scotty is second.

Jimmy’s assessment: Scotty’s got subtlety, but that can sometimes get lost.

Again, I submit to you: the eyebrows.

Scotty is…well, he’s hanging tight for now. Ryan must be a master at playing that “which of the three cups has a pea under it” game. I think I’d be confused if I were him. And “America” would NOT be forgiving if he ever messed up the results.

Lauren is third.

Jimmy’s assessment: Lauren’s here for the long run. (See, I told you she had a special place in his heart. Nothing negative at all.)

Lauren is…well, she’s hanging tight, too.

By the time we got to Casey, my mouth was completely dry, my hands were clammy, my face was contorted into a grimace, and I was leaning forward as if that would bring me the results more quickly. Here’s where I started to feel like things could possibly not end the way I would want them to.

Casey is fourth.

*Cringing

Jimmy’s assessment: Casey’s safe…but stop the growling already.

Casey’s response? Growling is defined as a passion for music that comes through a very tiny opening. Nice, Case.

Casey is…also left hanging.

Ryan then dismissed us to break after telling us that with all the uncertainty we wouldn’t want to miss the rest of the show. Of course there’s uncertainty, Ryan! You are the one creating that! Give us the results already!!!!

James is fifth.

Jimmy’s assessment: If James stopped screwing around and did the songs I told him to, he could win this.

Well, he didn’t say that EXACTLY. But that was the gist behind all that blinking.

James is…safe! Okay. Good.

Jacob is last.

Jimmy’s assessment: Jacob could still go home. He’s on banana peel status. (This could have been funny under the right circumstances, but not coming from Jimmy “the hat” Iovine.)

Final words of wisdom from Mr. Iovine: This is a horse race. The judges need to compare them to each other rather than their own performances week by week. Fine, fine…GET TO THE RESULTS!

Lauren is….SAFE.

Which puts Scotty, Casey, and Jacob in the bottom three! Interesting…in all my scenarios, I never would have thought that Scotty would hit the bottom three this week.

Bruno Mars Performs

I listened a bit and then fast forwarded. Anyone who couldn’t be bothered to remove his dark sunglasses for a performance is not for me. Stevie Wonder excluded, of course. Seems like the song had some personality behind it, but it wasn’t worth watching the whole thing since the results are so pins and needles!

Amy Pauses to Collect Herself

Okay. Pause. Deep breath. If Casey goes home, I’ll be okay. He’ll be on tour. I’ll still have James. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.

Final Results

Jacob is safe. STUPID AMERICA! I’M GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND BUST YOUR HEADS.

WHO THE HECK IS VOTING FOR JACOB?!?!? STOP IT ALREADY. I MEAN IT.

Okay. Well, the news is inevitable.

Casey is gone…he knew it was coming. We have such a close bond that I could tell that by looking at his face. I can’t believe Jacob skates by ANOTHER FREAKING WEEK!

Here’s the deal, though. While I’m indignant and prone to violence when thinking that Jacob really deserved to go before Casey, I’m not as upset as I thought I would be about Casey actually leaving the competition. Maybe it’s because Casey took the news so well (much better, ironically, than when the judges chose to save him). Or maybe it’s because I am an eternal optimist. He could have gone home five weeks ago, but we’ve had over a month enjoying Casey’s unique musical talent, personality, and…of course…his white legs. But I think it’s mostly because the group that we have remaining, with one notable exception, is majorly talented.

Honestly, as long as Jacob doesn’t make it to the end, I think any one of them deserves to stand under the confetti shower next month. Would I have liked it to be Casey? Of course. I think he was the best musician in the bunch. But I did what I could. And now I’ll miss him, write about this injustice in my diary, and stock up on Casey’s magical performances on iTunes to get me through the duration of the show. And with any luck, he’s get himself a recording deal…or at least have a really active presence on YouTube so that I’m not left forever without his presence in my life.

I still think there might be a little something-something going on with Casey and Haley. He definitely sang that last line of the song to her and seemed like he meant it!

With any luck our top 4 will be James, Haley, Lauren, and Scotty. Who do you think can take it all?

Haddock out!