Seven becomes Six

Betcha thought I had forgotten to post, didn’t ya? Ha! I’m ashamed of you. It’s like we’re not even friends. It’s like you don’t even know me. It’s like…well…okay. 

You were right.

See, the deal is that I didn’t have to work today. And let this be a lesson to you, me, all of us that when my daily structure is thrown out the window then so is…recapping. Ahem. Sorry, guys.

Haley, Jacob, Lauren, and Stefano Perform Train’s “Hey, Soul Sister”

Jacob’s weird bouncing totally wigs me out. And based on Stefano’s sidelong glance over while Jacob was channeling his inner diving board, he was wigged out by it, too. I have to give credit where credit is due…there were a lot of distinctive voices in the mix and the Idoloonies did a great job of blending. I think if it was a larger group, the higher harmonies would have sounded more intentional…they weren’t quiiite there. But, hey. The girls shimmied their hips and the guys pretended like they were on pogo sticks. I guess this choreographer’s work is done!

I guess this means that Scotty, Casey, and James are doing a trio? This should be interesting.

Ford Music Video

Have you ever noticed that Ryan is always trying to lead into this segment like it’s something we can’t live without? As a marketer, I have to say “Nice spin, Ry-Ry.” Calling the video, the “last time” this group will be together like this? You gave it your all. The Ford execs can’t fault you for your delivery. And you can tell them I said so.

The only contestants on the couch at this point were the ones that performed. Soooo, James, Scotty, and Casey apparently get to chill backstage…or sweat it out. Either way there is some sort of thermometer situation going on. Maybe they needed the extra time to become BFFs with the drumline?

Casey, James, and Scotty sing “Rule the World” by Coldplay

Oh, boys. Scotty was the clear winner of this set, managing to shed his overtly country twang to blend with the likes of rocker-y James and jazz-y Casey. Speaking of Casey, there was a point in the choreography that required all three guys to form a circle and put their hands in the middle …kind of like a three musketeers thing without Chris O’Donnell. Casey, dear one that he is, was so caught up with the moment on stage that he almost forgot to put his hand in the middle. But then…he did. Crisis averted!

I don’t know about you, but if I was that choreographer, I wouldn’t want my face seen. Haven’t we proven by now that less is more with Idol choreography? What do they think this is? So You Think You Can Dance (which, btw, returns May 26th doncha know)? But there she was. Nodding away and taking her props from Ryan as if he really meant them.

In which Idol becomes Oprah-like

Now we come to the part of the show where Ryan uses his radio-like powers of interview. And I think Ryan ROCKS, but I kind of hate how he asks them these vague questions (“So, [insert Idol Contestant’s Name Here] did anything happen to you this week?”) and then that particular contestant answers with a very specific anecdote that Ryan knew the whole time. You know he knows because sometimes the contestants forget what the “real” answer is and he gives them the first part of their answer to lead them into it. Just once, I want one of the people to answer with something like: “I had frozen yogurt this week” or “Finally finished that novel I’ve been reading”.

Last night, we had some real interesting questions that were lobbed the contestant’s way.

Jacob was given the chance to defend the “diva” charge brought by his fellow contestants in last night’s intro video. Jacob’s response was as scattered as pollen during allergy season. Jacob, Jacob. Since your defense was LAME, I’ve decided that the “diva” label will stick. If you can come to me with a better argument, then we’ll see about an appeal. Hey! All that “People’s Court” over Christmas break really did me some good!

Scotty, for the record, was asked what was going on in his hometown. I’m assuming lots happened there last week, but the correct answer was: Scotty has a cupcake named after him. It’s called a “Butterscotch Scotty”. Ding, ding!

Casey, in the show and tell portion of this segment, held up a framed portrait of himself and his dog. Who was it from? Well, it was “from a fan that he really likes” since he couldn’t actually pronounce said artist’s name. C’mon, Casey! Get your head in the game! You know you’re going to be showing this item on stage…after all, you were the one that brought it in. Shouldn’t you take the time to phonetically sound out the name to be a little bit prepared? Apparently, Ryan thought so as well and made him do it on national television. See, Casey? If you listen to me next time you can spare yourself some embarrassment. And as Lauren’s life coach, I know what I’m talking about.

[Side note:] 10 to 1, Randy shopped at last July’s Old Navy sale to get his shirt.

Round 1

Casey and Jacob.

Ryan asked the question we were all wondering. Was the kiss on J.Lo’s cheek planned? Or was it spontaneous? And he revealed that he was just going to “breathe in her face” but then saw his opportunity. J.Lo’s response? “I liked the kiss better!” Understandable, J.Lo. Understandable.

Casey is SAFE! I’d just like to say to those naysayers out there that were saying that the judges shouldn’t have used their save so early in the process, that dear Case-Case has not be in the bottom three since that night. And I’d like to say that it’s my 50 votes per week, but let’s get real. Me saying that would be like saying that because I shredded a piece of paper, I provided the world with confetti. 52 MILLION VOTES, people. That’s a lot. I’m not alone. 🙂

Jacob is in the bottom three! Way to go, “America”! Now, just keepin’ it real, your problem has been follow-through these last few elimination evenings. So, focus!

David Cook Performs “Last Goodbye”

David Cook is such a cool cat, but I don’t think the new single had a very good hook. I’m not going to rush right out and get it. And by “rush out” I mean “log in to iTunes”.

One lingering question. At the end of David Cook’s performance, a couple of the guy contestants were cupping their hands out as if reaching under a facet for a drink of water while brushing their teeth. And I’m all for dental hygiene but I’m thinking that was NOT what was going on. I wonder what that was all about?

David, being the good son that we know he is, used his fame for good and introduced his mama to SteTy, who obliged Mrs. Cook with a hug, preceded by a pretty blatant hip graze. Whoa, there SteTy. Whoa there.

The Idoloonies Goof Off

The Dodgers Game

Aka Scotty’s mother ship.

It seems that none of the remaining contestants share my vital hatred for baseball because they looked like they were having some laughs, some good eats, and wearing some spiffy new duds. Nuthin’ wrong with that, I suppose! And Scotty got to impress upon them the importance of meeting a legend like Tommy LaSorda. I’m sorry, who? (Don’t tell Scotty.)

(Oh, and if you’re a baseball fan, there’s no offense intended. I know the sport takes skill, but I’ve never been a fan of peanuts, cracker jacks, or hours and hours on end squinting to see a tiny white ball with red laces.)

The Bowling

In this section, we learned some valuable things:

– James is serious about the scarf-tail situation. It’s not just a performance thing.

– Haley can dance and bowl at the same time. And does both well. You go, girl.

– Lauren and Scotty are competitive…at least when it comes to bowling. I wonder if there’s something going on there?

The Spa

Aka Jacob’s mother ship.

Ah, the pampering. I’d give my baby finger on my left side if I could trade places with them. A knot the size of Connecticut has taken up residence in between my shoulder-blade and my neck…

James had a little fun with Stefano by sneaking in and taking Stefano’s masseuse’s place. That guy. He’s such a jokester!

But the most priceless part of this particular video was a quote from none other than our country friend, Scotty: “My friends at home, they’ll probably slap me around a little bit, poke a little fun at me. But at the end of the day, I’m gonna be the guy with the best lookin’ nails.” I’m sure you’re right, Scotty.

Round 2

Lauren, James, and Stefano.

Stefano is in the bottom three. No great surprise there.

Lauren and James are safe! Also no great surprise there, as they’ve never been in the bottom three.

Which means, of course, that Haley is in the bottom three, ’cause it’ll be a warm day in the basement when Scotty gets the shaft. Yep! Here’s the question…can Haley break the curse?? Every other contestant that has been in her place alongside Stefano and Jacob has gone home.

YES! NICE! Here’s a big wet kiss, “America’. Wait, that’s gross. I take it back. I take it back!

Katy Perry sings “E.T.”

Wow. Did she just sing laying down?

Wow. Lights. The “straps” on her dress light up! This reminds me of those glow necklaces that I used to get at the fair/Casa Bonita and when I got home I would put them in the freezer. Theoretically, keeping them frozen was supposed to prolong their little light-giving life. But it’s kinda hard to tell if that worked when they were…well…kept in the freezer.

Catchy song and an interesting concept. But seriously, Katy, the wardrobe people will kill you if you continue to give James these wacky ideas.

Backstage Interview

Because Katy Perry and all her dancing folks were taking a bit of time to exit the stage, Ryan interviewed Jacob and Stefano backstage. And true to form, these guys proved the very reason why they need to go home.

Jacob “I’m so glad to share my gift with ‘America'” Lusk once again showed his arrogance.

And Stefano “I’m going to learn what I can from every experience and use it in my career” Langone, gave us another view of someone trying WAAAY too hard.

Final Results

Really, the bottom two is appropriate so I’m okay with either going home. Of course, I would prefer a Jacob-less top 6, but it turns out Stefano is headed out. Okay. Jacob is one step away.

It was sad to watch James be devastated by the news of his friend leaving the stage. And Ryan did his level best to make Stefano cry before having him sing his swan song. But happy-go-lucky Stefano went out in style. And that’s really all you can ask.

Until next week,

Haddock out!

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