No More Mr. Nice “America”

It is with heavy heart and sluggish fingers that I type this post. Those of you that have watched the results show in full know why. Those of you that haven’t, well, you’re about to find out why. But I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? Before the weighty results comes silliness from the judges, some wicked-awesome performances from our Idols, and a desperate attempt by Ford to get us interested in their music videos.

Judges’ Silliness: There was some sort of kerfuffle happening when the big doors opened for the judges “moment of glory” walk onto the stage and then down to their assigned seats. I, personally, really like this time because it allows me to see whatever wardrobe atrocities are happening in their entirety. This week it was the drapery-like tiebacks that served as J. Lo’s dress straps. Maybe her dress was inspired by “The Sound of Music”. Next week? Who knows. Anyhoo. I’m not sure if Steven Tyler was trying to keep Randy back or if Ryan was trying to keep SteTy from entering on time or what, but J. Lo was the only judge that had her act together and was seated promptly in her seat at least a full minute before any of the other yahoos.

On another note, the intro video this week didn’t really evoke any awe for me. And the closeups of the faces were kind of creepy. I don’t like being that close to the Idoloonie’s pores. Mmkay?

Lauren and Scotty Perform Lady Antebellum’s “American Honey”

Lauren and Scotty. Sonny and Cher. Bieber and his hair. These are all winning combinations. These kiddos sounded great as usual. Out of the two, Scotty seemed more engaged movement and performance-wise, while Lauren was more focused on the vocals. I think Scotty added a little too much vocalizing and it muddied the waters a bit.  

But in all seriousness, that could be on a CD. Like, today. Wait, does anybody even buy CDs anymore? Okay…it could be on a Pandora station. Like, today. OR…it could be on iTunes. Like, today.

Behind the Scenes: The Filming of the Zombie  Ford Video

While the behind the scenes was infinitely more exciting than the actual video, I still don’t understand if Ford is really seeing a pay-off here. Even with their schnazzy intro logo and branding. It seemed more like an effort to keep people from fast-forwarding through their elaborate videos. Um, Ford? The whole point is that we want to know the RESULTS. Sorry ’bout that.

Haley and Casey Perform “Moanin'”


Hold up! This is totally a match made in musical heaven. And while they both sounded beyond fantastic, I think Haley was the clear star out of that whole thing. The only problem I had? I couldn’t hear them as well as I could hear the music. Vocals should have been pushed more in the mix. Kieran-the-lighting-guy! Take your friend the-sound-guy for coffee, or something and help a sista’ out. Hey now, I supported you in your (totally staged) renegade light show on St. Patricks’ Day! You gotta throw me a bone here.

Round 1 – Lauren, Scotty, Haley, and Casey

Scotty is safe. Duh.

Lauren is safe. Duh.

Haley is in the bottom 3. Bummer.

Casey is safe. Whew.

Rob Reiner – Director

Each week the American Idol Powers That Be (PTB) are bringing in professionals to teach the Idoloonies an aspect of being in the Biz. If by “teach” they mean: bring-in-completely-random-people-that-are-not-in-the-music-industry-so-that-they-can-pimp-out-their-own-projects-in-another-blatant-promotional-placement-of-epic-proportions.

At least two of the three have been humorous. Neither of which, it should be stated for the record, was the actual comedian. I’m just sayin’.

This week, it was Rob Reiner’s turn at the Idol stage. Segueing into the music of the movies theme, he whipped out the “unused” lyrics to Chariots of Fire. HIGH-larious.

Lyrics to Chariots of Fire
We’re running on the beach now
We’re running by the water
We’re running in slow mo
We’re kicking up sand

And then there’s the Jewish guy in back
And there comes the Christian guy behind
I wonder who-o’s gonna wi-in?
It’s gonna be close

Now. I’ve been hiding something from you from the very first American Idol post until now. And I thought I would never have to come clean because American Idol would be much more embarrassed than I and would never bring it up. But there it was. Large and in Charge on my television:

The poster for “From Justin to Kelly”.

Yes, that’s right. I actually went and saw that movie. IN THE THEATER. For the record, I didn’t think it was good. Even back then when I was young and impressionable.

Still, it’s like the skeleton in American Idol’s closet! I can’t believe Rob threw me under the bus like that. Sigh.

Lauren trying to change her accent to be more marketable as an actress? Brill.iant.

Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson Perform “Don’t You Wanna Stay”

Ooookaaaay! That shaker guy really loves his job, eh? Good for him.

Jason, trying to manufacture a mysterious tone to this country song, wore a cowboy hat accosted his whole face. Maybe he killed a guy in Reno just to watch him die and didn’t want the Feds to catch him on stage?

I heart Kelly Clarkson. Unlike the last time she took the Idol stage, her dress looked really good on her. Plus, there was a general aura of happiness around her. She actually SMILED and there wasn’t a snarky, combative lyric in the bunch. I hope she’s back to stay.

[Side note:] Ooo, cool! A dulcimer!

And I kind of love that the original American Idol has verbal sparring with Ryan down to a science. Let’s just hope her promotion of Casey doesn’t go the way of Katy Perry’s promotion of Adam last season…

Jacob, James, Stefano, and Paul Perform songs from “The Graduate”

Wow! These guys sound AWESOME. I’ve never liked Jacob more than this moment. Their harmonies were tighter than the seal on my pickle jar’s lid. Nice job, guys. 🙂 I’m on board. And I know how to coil microphone cords properly, if that helps with my chances as a roadie.

Round 2 – James, Jacob, Stefano, and Paul

James is safe. He lives to destroy his hearing another day.

Stefano is in the bottom three. Positive thinking and lectures can only get you so far, Stefano.

Paul is in the bottom three. Oh, no! Now, that’s really not fair.

It’s gonna be harder to get rid of Jacob than it is for a gerbil to get rid of a gummy bear on his fur. Sigh. And double sigh.

Rihanna Performs “California King”

Oh, boy. That clown red hair is a…statement…isn’t it? The floor length banners with human weights at the bottom totally threw me off. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen Rihanna so covered up! This was a well done power ballad.

And just think! You could be wrapped in your own floor length banner at one of her concerts! How VIP.

Final Results

Haley is safe. Oh! I’m so glad! The camera man went directly to a shot of Casey. I wonder if there’s something going on between these two?

And the first guy to leave is…Paul? WHAT?! As Stefano headed to the cushy couches of safety, I started to seethe a bit. Because you have to admit, that’s a load of crap! Paul’s performances the past two weeks have been better than Stefano’s for a mile. Plus, NO ONE can challenge his corner on the smiling market.

But, then again, it’s never been about the best performances has it? Especially at this point, “America” is voting for the favorites and Paul just didn’t have the votes. It it wrong? Yes. But that’s where we are.

I thought Paul went out like the “cool dude in a loose mood” that he is. I hope he still gets an album deal. And I’m glad that he’s on tour. I’ll miss what he contributes to the stage each week.

Who wants to bet that the next time we see him is for a toothpaste ad? I’d buy the toothpaste! And the album…

Haddock out!


5 thoughts on “No More Mr. Nice “America”

  1. Sarah Su says:

    I have never been so upset by an Idol cut! Stupid America! Great post, my favorite quote, “It’s gonna be harder to get rid of Jacob than it is for a gerbil to get rid of a gummy bear on his fur.” Genius!

  2. Renee Nyen says:

    *tear* I will miss his smile, his voice, and his quirky dancing. I may need to actually purchase my first ever American Idol contestant album when his comes out. History will be made!

    Now-to convince Idol to let us vote AGAINST people. *coughJACOBcough*

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