Oh. My. Word. Where do I even start? I guess at the very beginning since it worked so well for Julie Andrews, eh? Last night I laughed, exclaimed in surprise, and pretty much bawled my face off. It was an emotional rollercoaster of epic proportions. So let’s walk through the show one crazy, insane step at a time, okay? Baby steps through the group performance, baby steps through the guest performance, baby steps through the most dramatic results show I’ve ever been a party to.
Maybe I’m just buying into the crazy, but this group of contestants actually seem worthy of the high and lofty intro video trailer this year.
Ruh-roh. I usually believe Ryan when he says that “some” of us will find the upcoming results shocking. That’s when my mind started working overtime. I just have to hope that I won’t be shocked because I am so tuned in to “America” or that I will be shocked but it’s only because it’s shocking that this person didn’t go home sooner.
To me, it was an interesting use of time to show Marc Anthony showing them how to use in ear monitors. I’m not sure how I feel about this much behind the scenes knowledge, honestly. I mean, I know it happens, but its kind of like eating my favorite meal of pot roast and cooked carrots and then being shown a video of that cow being slaughtered. It just takes away some of the magic. And is it just me or does Marc Anthony needs to put some meat on his bones (no pun intended. I promise!)? But by the end, I kinda liked Marc and the producers choice to give him a video segment…heck, let’s put him on the panel.
Group Performance – “Ain’t No Mountain”
Jacob started us out in fine style and I was SO glad that he took the time to learn some hand motions to help us follow along. Here’s a cheat sheet of sorts: finger pointing up = high. finger pointing down = low. Everyone all together now!
I did think that Casey’s part seemed very harsh and forced, so that was disappointing. But I love the guy, so that’s cool. And much to my surprise, I discovered that I like Pia much better in an ensemble. Who knew?
Stevie Wonder Performs “Signed, Sealed, Delivered”
Was this a surprise?? I don’t remember Ry-Ry giving us a heads up on this one. It’s not every day that music royalty graces the stage. And this dude has chops. 🙂
Oh! It was a happy birthday surprise for SteTy! That’s super fly! Did anyone else find it strange that SteTy was quick to embrace Jacob last night but not so much the amazing Stevie Wonder?
Lauren, Pia, and Scotty: All are safe. Saw THAT coming but trying not to get to cocky.
Sugarland Performs “Stuck Like Glue”
I don’t really dig this chick’s voice. Sure, I really want her shoes for my very own, but I much prefer the dude in the hat with the expressive eyebrows. Okay. I’m done now. Fast fowarding to the results!
Yay! Another Idol contestant video! And it’s another kind of random use of time talking about how James loves pro wrestling, but all the girls with the possible exception of Pia thinking that it’s fake. [Which it TOTALLY is].
James and Paul: (oh please, oh please, oh please…) Wait, why are they standing so far apart? Oh. Em. Gosh. I’ve never been so excited to see Hulk Hogan! And the fact that he delivered the news that James and Paul were safe was only part of it. Did that REALLY happen? James didn’t really know what to do with himself. Awesome. Yes, even with the completely cheesy Ryan fake knock-out punch. I guess this just proves the point that this IS a fake sport. 😀
Jacob, Thia, and Stefano: anointed with the Steven Tyler kiss, Jacob is safe. But the other two are NOT. Which is not shocking. Yet. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Casey, Haley, and Naima: Naima is safe. Who in the heck is voting for this girl? African Tribal Dancers around the nation? Haley is safe and Casey is NOT? Online voters, you are fired. I mean it! I’m coming after you. As soon as I can figure out what an IP address is and how to track it.
Jennifer Hudson Performs “Where You At”
Ryan’s introduction of Jennifer Hudson contained one very big mistake: She was not actually an Idol winner, Ry-Ry. She got booted rather unceremoniously before her time. The fact that American Idol is still trying to ride the train of her success is kind of funny to me.
Jennifer took the stage looking flawless and classy while she sang a song with a grammatically incorrect moniker. What’s America without this little studies in contradiction? 🙂 And boy, did she mean business. Take note, Stefano! This is how you connect to a song emotionally. Note to self: if you see J. Hud in an alley, turn and run the other way.
Oh, George Huff! I do remember him. Barely.
Thia is safe. This is a bizarro universe right now. Seriously? THIA is the safest of those three?
Oh, please let Casey be safe! If he is, I promise I will never forget to vote for him ever again. Never ever! Never ever!
I’m almost afraid to tell you what happened next. But “America” started it, so here we go.
And the ousted one is Casey!!!! WHAT?!? What in the name of all that is holy is HAPPENING right now? I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw myself huddled into a quivering mess on the floor hugging my knees, rocking back and forth and unable to watch American Idol or recap ever again.
Casey, looking hurt and disappointed, calmly took the microphone and started singing “I Don’t Need No Doctor”. I know it makes me a hypocrite, but I didn’t really care that his song title was grammatically incorrect. There were more important things at stake! And before he even had a chance to finish the first verse of his song, Randy cut him off. And that’s when I started to be able to breathe a little better. THE JUDGES SWOOPED IN TO SAVE THE DAY! They might as well have been wearing capes. J. Lo’s would have been pink and sparkly. Randy’s would have been plaid and made of sweater-y material. And SteTy’s would have been worthy of a Mardi Gras parade.
Casey’s reaction made me cry my face off. Ohhh, he just broke my little heart. And it looked like he was having a heart attack right there in front of our very eyes. I can’t believe that he went back and asked the judges if they were sure they really wanted to save him. How much do I love this guy?!? And I love the audience even more for chanting his name to help soothe the massive disservice that “America” did to him. And what does a true star do when he receives good news? That’s right, he celebrates with his parents. And then assures the judges with a heartfelt “I’ll make you proud”.
[UPDATE! If you missed it you can watch it here.]
Now I see why they brought in the Hulk for this episode. They were looking for a little extra security in case Casey’s MANY fans stormed the stage.
Ryan silenced the chaotic proceedings to announce that two people will be going home next week, but as a silverlicious lining, it had been pre-determined that there will be a Top 11 on tour! That settles it. I have to see the tour this year.
I just read an article on Entertainment Weekly‘s blog pointing out that there is no clear frontrunner this season for maybe the first time ever. So, humor me, would you? Take my poll at the end if you have any opinion at all as to who should take it all this season.
Lingering in my mind is just one question: How could Ryan just keep up the jovial pretenses with wrestling and birthday greetings when he KNEW THE RESULTS?