Seacrest, Give Me My Results…

…actually, never mind. Let me live in blissful ignorance a moment more…

With the silvers stools of Top 12 glory gleaming in the distance and desperation so thick you could turn it upside down like a Dairy Queen blizzard with nary a drip, Ryan started off the show by revealing two things besides the obvious:

  • The Top 12 will be singing the dulcet tones of The Rolling Stones next week
  • American Idol continues to shamelessly promote iTunes in new ways. It’s pretty cool, though, because clearly iTunes needs our help to start turning  a profit.

Ryan kept saying that the Top 12 was being built as if his words carried all the importance of a Habitat for Humanity spokesperson. He was really in his element tonight. What’s his element? Well, the torturous dragging out of results, of course. Poor kids. All of them looked so nervous, though none more so that Katie Stevens who looked as if she could hurl at any point.

Round 1 
With Didi Benami and Siobhan Magnus safely on their chairs of potential stardom, the two girls left out in the cold to learn which one was through and which one was destined to return home without ever gracing the big stage were: Katelyn Epperly and Paige Miles. It was very clear what should have happened. But, my words about all not being fair in love and Idol turned out to be prophetic and in a move of sheer stupidity, America allowed the brilliant Katelyn Epperly to slip through our collective fingers and Paige Miles skated into the Top 12. I hope you’re happy, America. You’ve made your bed and now we ALLL have to lie in it. AND WHY IS SIMON SO DARN SUPPORTIVE OF PAIGE? SHE HASN’T FREAKING DONE ANYTHING AND AT LEAST KATELYN HAD ONE (AND SOME WOULD SAY TWO) SOLID PERFORMANCES. I swear…

Round 2
RYAN! Psst. RYAN! No one wants to hear more about the Casey/Kara connection. Let’s move on. And move on Casey James did, right into the Top 12. He was quickly joined by Tim Urban (man, that hair has some POWER!) and after a brief moment of terror and nail biting and my mumbling threatening comments at Ryan to do bodily harm, Lee DeWyse made it through, too. And I gotta say, it was nice of Randy to give him such a big show of support. Can’t wait to see what he does next week! And so, buh-bye Todrick Hall. Sad, but not the sadest thing that could have happened.

Round 3
Crystal Bowersox is as safe as a runner sliding home (no suprise there) and Big Mike proved that he was a rules follower by reminding Ryan of Debbie’s standing instructions on stage before being ushered to his one allotted stool. Boy, this is really Debbie’s season! In light of some of these yahoos that are through already, maybe we should get her out on stage and see if she can sing! Lacey was also allowed to sit on one of the coveted Top 12 seats after rambling on about how she knew what artist she was, etc, etc. Hey Lacey? If you can’t succinctly state it, you don’t really know, m’kay? But I’m going to give her some grace ’cause I’m sure she was real nervous. Last, but certainly not least, Ryan called for Aaron Kelly to rise to his feet and hear his fate. Tweens across the world squealed as Aaron got his golden ticket to the Top 12. He’s a nice kid, I suppose.

Round 4
Okay, so it’s Alex Lambert and Andrew Garcia for the last guy’s spot. And Andrew is in! I’m sad to see Alex go. He really deserved Tim “The Hair” Urban’s spot. Alex totally made me tear up with his shy, emotional musings that he wished he wasn’t so nervous on stage. Who wants to see Alex and Tim fight? FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! (If I thought it would make a lick of difference, I’d evicerate Tim with my vicious rhetoric for stealing the Lam’s spot.)

Round 5
Oh, dear me. Please let Lilly stay over Katie! Oh no. I cannot believe that Lilly Scott is going home! This is kinda ridiculous, right? That mayor has been working overtime on Katie’s behalf. Someone find that guy and tie him up so he can’t dial next week.

And just like that, we lose:

Katelyn Epperly. It makes me really sad. Sniff.

Todrick Hall – Not as broken up about this one, but it’s kind of a shame to have seen all his potential and how he went downhill faster than Jack and Jill.

Alex Lambert – Hey, Lam…I’m totally serious about the vicious rhetoric thing. Just let me know if you need a sista’ to help a brotha’ out.

And most heartbreaking of all: Lilly Scott. She seemed really suprised and despondent when she learned the news. If I were her, I would have been, too.

I’d say that all four that we are bidding adeiu to this week would be better choices for the Top 12 than the following: Tim Urban, Aaron Kelly, Paige Miles, Katie Stevens.  Stupid America! It makes me wish that American Idol would instead do things like So You Think You Can Dance where in the first few rounds, America votes and the judges send one of the bottom 3 couples home. If that had happened, I dare say we wouldn’t be sitting where we’re at, in this big pile of muck.

I leave you with these final words of encouragement…buck up! Sometimes it’s darkest before the dawn, right? (I’m saying it as much to myself as to you, people.) Also, look who we can look forward to hearing next week!

Haddock, Out!


3 thoughts on “Seacrest, Give Me My Results…

  1. Renee says:

    We should see if Lilly is playing anywhere in Denver soon. The only reason I wasn’t heartbroken is because of the potential to see her here! Sad she didn’t go further, though.

  2. Amy's CO Adverture's Dad says:

    you were right on about Lacey….
    I expected a more passionate response to Alex being let go. At least that is what I gave at the lunch table in the cafeteria and then was embarrassed to learn I had spoken so loudly and vehemently about something my co-workers could care less about ha
    Love, Mom

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