So. I work for a company with pretty amazing benefits, one of which is a physical fitness allowance that they give annually. When I first started work, I was taking hip hop classes at the gym by using my friend’s guest passes. Gosh, I loved hip hop. Working out by DANCING? That’s right up my alley. Now, I’m never gonna be really good and most of you would probably laugh at me if you saw me hip hoppin’ it up, but it was still a fun workout.
To show my friends that I didn’t just love them for their guest passes, shortly after starting my new job , I utilized this new magical benefit and had Mr. Employer purchase me a gym membership. I went to hip hop consistently and even tried out the least intimidating piece of equipment in the gym (the bike, of course) every once in a while. But then a sad, sad thing happened. The instructor that did the hip hop class moved away. Sniff. Suddenly the hip hop class was no more. I did my best to hang on to my gym attendance record, but it slowly slipped, slipped, slipped through my fingers and I neglected to darken the door of said gym for long period of time during which my gym membership expired.
You’ll be glad to know that I’ve resumed going to the gym on a regular basis and that I’ve even tried some machines that look like they could tear me into itty bitty pieces and make it look like an accident. Usually my view of the weights room is obstructed by huge muscle men intent on being the next Arnold Schwarzenegger, let alone trying to use them. But I’m glad to report that with my shiny new membership, I’ve even LIFTED WEIGHTS (muscle men, begone!).
Here’s the problem. I’ve discovered that I’m clumsy. Now, in every day life, that’s not such a big deal and it’s actually not very noticable at all. A few trips here and there, a glance over my shoulder to see if anyone saw me. But, put in the context of the gym, my clumsiness causes whole new problems. Case in point, a few Saturdays ago, I decided to spend some time with my new BFF, the elliptical machine. (what?! it’s totally normal to tie a friendship bracelet to a piece of gym equipment.)
I didn’t want to have to get a locker, so I decided to pull the things I’d need out of my purse and leave it in the trunk. Less cumbersome, eh? First item out of the purse was my pink iPod (thanks Mom and Dad!). Second item were my iPod ear buds that were, shall we say, not exactly tangle-free. Third, I pulled out my gym card and then I grabbed my keys and water bottle and headed inside. I don’t know if you know, but it’s winter out here in Colorado. Therefore, it’s cold. Over my t-shirt, I wore a sweatshirt so that I wouldn’t be full of frostbite before reaching the door. Yes. Full of frostbite.
I reached the door feeling pretty good. I had all my sundry items and I made a bee-line towards the elliptical machine. That’s where I encountered the first problem. I pulled my sweatshirt off and looked around for a place to put it. Hmm. Whelp, the floor it is! Next I had to find a place for my card, keys, iPod and water bottle. I put the water bottle in it’s holder. The keys presented a problem, but I discovered a little side holder. I rested my iPod and gym card on this little ledge and climbed up on the elliptical machine with my tangled ear buds in hand. I started moving my feet and the machine came to life.
Ever the efficient one, I took my hands off the moving arms of the machine and tried to untangle my ear buds while moving my feet faster and faster. Turns out, that was the wrong decision. Now, I didn’t topple off the machine, if that’s what you’re thinking, but I did wobble a bit and grab the ledge for stability knocking my gym card inside the tracks of the elliptical and my iPod skittered onto the ground.
Immediately, I stopped the machine to make sure I didn’t crunch my card and half-stepped off to pick up my iPod only to find that my ear buds had looped themselves around the moving arms and I was still grasping the other end. Whoops. I stepped completely off to detach the earbuds from the elliptical and when I did I stepped on the sweatshirt that had been carefully balled up as close to the bottom of the machine as possible. I managed to steady myself and decided to keep my feet firmly on the ground while getting everything figured out. When I had finally brought order to my chaotic space again, I eyed the elliptical as a great and worthy opponent and stepped back up to start my work out.
Wouldn’t you know it? The spray disinfectant that the gym provides along with the cloth toppled over onto the ground. I, of course, pretended like I didn’t see it.