Random Thoughts…

So, I got this email from my friend Holly. I think it’s an email forward or else she’s got some crazy funny friends that I don’t know about. In any case, thought I’d give you the thoughts ’cause they’re pretty funny. And hey! Who doesn’t need funny on a Wednesday afternoon? No one, that’s who.

Random Thoughts of the Day:

 I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

 

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

 

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

 

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

 

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

 

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

 

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

 

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

 

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

 

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

 

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

 

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

 

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

 

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

 

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

 

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

 

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

 

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

 

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

 

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

  

Bad decisions make good stories

 

Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

 

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

 

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

 

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

 

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

 

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

 

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

 

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

 

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

 

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

 

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

 

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

 

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

 

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

 

Happy Wednesday, Everyone! 🙂

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10 thoughts on “Random Thoughts…

  1. Jennifer says:

    Thanks Amy! Laughed at almost every single comment. (…and by laughing i mean that i slightly smiled at the screen). The first statement was very relevant because i will never forget my friend and i taking a nice ride in her convertible down the coast line and then cutting across on Rosecrans in LA to hit the 5 freeway. At a stoplight, with loud music blaring, we realized that we were in Compton. Just thought I’d share. Cya tommorrow.

  2. Liz says:

    I’m so on board with this one: Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

    And this one: Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

    Thanks for the chuckle, Amy,

  3. Staci says:

    Amy, that is awesome!!!!! HAHA I love that all of those things have crossed my mind at some point, and someone decided to write them down! 🙂 Thanks for the break in this ridiculously LONG day/week!

  4. Jenn H. says:

    Amy, I somehow skipped your little intro about how you got this from a friend and jumped right into reading the list….. hilarious! And by about the 5th one, I was thinking, “Geez, Amy wrote all of these??? What a clever, imaginative writer she is!” 🙂
    I have to say, I was somewhat disappointed when I scrolled back up to the top and saw your disclaimer. But no worries, I still think you’re clever. 🙂

  5. Veronica says:

    Amy, that was great! 🙂 I think, at some point, I have thought almost every single one of these! Thanks for sharing the laughs. 🙂 Happy Wednesday to you too. 🙂

  6. Dad says:

    M,

    I noticed that your mom hasn’t commented on this one…it could, perhaps, be because of the one that says, “Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.” I’m sure her “Yentl” and “The Way We Were” memories prevent her from doing so! 🙂

    This one was particularly interesting to me…”Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.”

    I’m thinking that DVRs have already completed the next phase unbeknownst to the author. All the inventors have to do now is create the storage space by user on the Internet. Your thoughts?

    Love, Dad

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