In a word, this is simply…war.

It’s really too late at night for me to be posting. After all, I do have a life…and a job that requires that I wake up in the wee hours of the morning. Okay, so really the wee hours of the morning translates to 7:00 AM, but still.  It’s earlier than I WANT to be awake. Let’s just leave it at that.

So what happened? Well, it’s 1 degree here in Colorado Springs this evening. One single degree. You know what that means? To be fair, it means lots of things.  But for me, this means that all the creatures that belong OUTDOORS seek refuge inside. My least favorite uninvited guest is the spider.

As some of you know, one of my greatest fears is to be bitten by a black widow or brown recluse spider. Since I’ve really only seen black widows (and killed a few of them, too), I choose to believe that any brown spider could be a brown recluse. While I know the odds are that it ISN’T, I’d rather be safe than sorry, if ya know what I mean.

Which brings me to tonight. Tonight I went into my room preparing to crawl into my bed (complete with flannel sheets and a down comforter appropriate to to the outdoor climate) and fall fast asleep.  As I reached to turn my covers down, I looked up and found that I was on eye level with a monstrous beastslashspider. You guessed it, it was brown. And I personally think it had tarantula-like features. Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all.

Here’s the thing. I know that a spider is a living creature that God created.  Usually, I’m content to know that they’re out there somewhere.  However, when they cross the boundaries into my room, that’s where I have to put my foot down. Literally. While I can sympathize with their desire to be out of the cold, I feel that it’s my right to have THEM understand that if they come near my pillow, I will annihilate them.

This plan normally works. I’m pretty quick with the choice weapon (aka my shoe) to dispose of the little 8 legged evilness. Unfortunately, lately I’ve not really had good success. Two spiders have gotten away despite my attempts to smash them to smithereens.  Determined not to let that happen again, I reached for my shoe. I could NOT have taken my eyes off that spider for more than 2 seconds, but apparently sensing my aura, it flatly disappeared into thin air, leaving me feeling like a prisoner in my own home.

Despite scouring the walls, floor and my bed, I can’t find it. And the only thing worse than a spider, is a spider gone missing. So here I am, sleeping on the couch feeling as if there are spiders crawling all over me. Is my reaction a bit ridiculous? Probably. But as I said, better safe than sorry.  And I have a shoe standing by.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “In a word, this is simply…war.

  1. Susan says:

    I feel your pain (and the willies that having a spider-gone-missing can leave you with). Can I just say that since moving to NYC I have not seen a SINGLE spider in the house? No cobwebs cluttering the corners; no strands of silk left behind. Really, it’s quite amazing. Maybe you should move out here 🙂 In the meantime, keep that shoe handy – and I hope you can get back to your cozy, flannel sheets soon!

  2. Dad says:

    OK M,

    I know, you women only want us men to “listen”, not to solve, but I think I can help…so I’m gonna try! First, Brown Recluse Spiders aren’t even located in your region of the country. Yes, one could wander off the geographic reservation once in a while…but they would have to travel over 1000 miles just to find you. For educational purposes, here’s the map where the recluse can be found for your viewing pleasure: http://www.brownreclusespider.org/brown-recluse-spider-location.htm

    Now, in the spirit of “education takes away fear”, I’m including a website that actually gives you a picture of both the spiders your deathly afraid of. That way, you won’t have to sacrifice EVERY spider (although I don’t think this will deture your zeal in that area). This site tells you, not only what they look like, but what to do if you ever (God forbid) get bitten! Here it is: http://www.brownreclusespider.org/

    I’d be interested in hearing if this educational information was helpful to get you BACK into those flannel sheets again! 🙂

    Love,
    Dad

    PS – Really looking forward to you coming home for Christmas!

  3. Ilena says:

    Hey Amy,
    Finding a spider is creepy and terrible, but it isn’t as bad as finding a wind scorpion in your bed…like I did this summer! That was terrifying! But, I didn’t kill it- even though I’m pretty fast with the shoe, too! Wind Scorpions make too big of an ooey, gooey mark on sheets when squished. Instead I zipped around my room to find a cup or any cylindrical container and a piece of sturdy paper. I trapped it with my cup and carefully- so as not to squish it- slid the paper under the cup and lifted both very gently and then nearly ran outside. I threw the scorpion on the ground and promptly eliminated it with the shoe- still on my foot. Here’s a picture of a wind scorpion, just to give you an idea of how nasty they are! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wind_scorpion
    That night I didn’t sleep well, either, but I did manage to sleep in my bed-freaking out at each itch or crawling sensation I experienced. Hope you eliminate the rest of those 8- yes, 8, not 6- legged creatures- in your home, that is 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s