Writing has always been the way that I process my thoughts…so I apologize in advance if this post makes very little sense.
So, in many scenarios, I’ve found myself biting my tongue. Not literally (usually not, at least), but quite frequently as of late I’ve found that my mind has been racing with lots and lots of thoughts that I can’t really say. It’s pretty difficult to get me mad…by that I don’t mean “Hey jerk, you just cut me off!” essence of the word, but more the beginnings of rage boiling the bottom of my stomach. It really does take a lot to get me there…I’m pretty easy-going and intellectual about the those types of things usually.
As adults, there are things that we just learn not to say. That’s why Bill Cosby made such a splash with “Kids say the darndest Things”…there’s a learning and maturing process that happens in our society. Our mental grid gets more tightly woven and only certain things get through the sieve. Then there is always the possibility that my NOT saying what I truly think/feel is my way of pleasing people and hiding the ugliness that is in me (and all of us).
It’s sometimes hard to distinguish for me. I have no doubt or disillusionment about the fact that my base reactions are usually not the most Christ-like way to react. And I try not to…I try to get to the bottom of the root issue…otherwise it’s like batting an annoying fly around instead of smashing it with a fly-swatter. But sometimes (for me, at least) it’s overwhelming. And then there are those times that in the heat of the moment, I pull back a retort that will only scathe the person it is directed to and go back to my every day tasks…only to realize later that I never really dealt with it in the way that I was supposed to. And THAT’S not good for anyone’s constitution (American or otherwise).
So, this is me…asking the Lord for wisdom about my predicament and to direct me to say what needs to be said (even if others won’t like it) and to hold my tongue when my words will do no good…Boy, that James really go it right, didn’t he? The tongue really is the rudder that steers the whole ship…Hopefully, I’ve not already capsized! 🙂