The Recouperation of Amy 2011 November 30, 2011

This July, I packed my bags and headed to a little place I like to call the northwest. Okay, okay, so everyone calls it “the northwest”. Whatever.

Washington state is the home of apples, the space needle, and…my BFF Sarah.

Now, if you ever spent time with Sarah and I individually, you might wonder what makes us so close. We’re pretty fundamentally different in a lot of ways…as her former roommate (and her mine), we can both vouch for that.

She is a neat freak. I thrive in organized clutter.

She is opposed to synthetic instruments (especially drums) in her musical tastes. ‘Nsync makes me happy.

She is graceful under pressure and scrutiny. I tend to glare and make my feelings perfectly clear.

She prefers her alone time. I like to fill each night of the week with a social activity.

She’s rather calm. I tend to be excitable.

But what’s crazy is, we have a lot in common–we usually just come from different places to get there. Which is why I love having her in my life. She challenges weaknesses in my life that I tend to excuse or overlook…usually just by example or a well-placed question.

We can talk, disagree, and come out on the other end sharpened by the exchange. And let’s be honest about it…we have a ton of fun together. Most of our friendship takes place on phone calls. Not easy for two self-proclaimed loathers of talking on the phone! But somehow, it works.

It’s been a couple of years since we’ve been in the same state and fair is fair – she made the trip to Colorado last. So, July 4th found me packed and winging my way west.

When I arrived (to an AWESOME poster board welcome sign with my name on it), I just knew that this was going to be the best vacation ever! How did I know? Okay, well, I didn’t KNOW know. But I had a strong inkling. Here’s just a sampling of the awesome things we did.

• Rode in Sarah’s convertible with the top down and the latest Hanson CD cranked up loud. Those of you that just rolled their eyes because I mentioned Hanson…I saw that! Washington state is so beautiful. I couldn’t get over how gorgeous the greenery, different kind of trees, and the mountains near the water were.
• Went to see X-Men: First Class together. We’re always bemoaning the fact that we live so far away that we can’t hang out and go to movies together. And this was by far the best of the X-men movies if I do say so myself! Just call me a Y-(wo)man! (Too much? Okay.) Yes, it was even better than Wolverine. Say whatever you want, but I just don’t think Hugh Jackman is that attractive. The sideburn jowels? Mettle coming out of his hands (wince)? No thanks. P.S. Michael Fassbender totally looks like the son of the dad from The Sound of Music. Anyone?
• Went to Baja Fresh and (gasp!) Trader Joe’s. I’m fairly certain I gave Sarah a heart attack when I reacted to seeing both establishments. For future reference, never startle your driver. But, it was like coming home. I’m totally a better version of myself when I can shop at Trader Joe’s. I’m pretty sure we went at least twice and maybe three times during the course of my one-week stay.
• A tour through Pikes Place Market…yes, I know it’s unbelievably tourist-y of me. But I’m a sucker for fresh flowers, crafty goodness, and flying fish. PLUS! I went to the first Starbucks. Like, ever.

• Had some quality time with her church peeps and tried not to embarrass her in front of her friends. It’s more difficult than it sounds, okay??
• Spent a WHOLE DAY being lazy. Slept in, watched the entire first season of Pushing Daisies, downloaded a game on her iPhone that involved helping tiny people build a tower and earn monies. I’m pretty sure I didn’t shower or get out of my PJ’s all day. Now THAT’S vacation.
• Visited Sarah’s work and got the grand tour

And it’s the last item that I’d like to spend the rest of my time on. So, if you don’t like American Idol, you can stop reading now if you want. No hard feelings.

I should say right off the bat that I didn’t really give her an option. When the tour cities for the American Idol tour were posted and I found out there was a concert near to Sarah’s house (and factoring in that I was already planning a summer trip out to see my dear friend), I called her. She, like a responsible adult, was at work. My message was garbled, excited, high-pitched, and hard to understand. The ticket buying almost gave me a panic attack. You Ticket Master people know what I’m talking about. Which seats are best? Why is there a timer COUNTING DOWN? What if there are better seats? What if there aren’t but I try anyway and lose out on these? Sheesh. But I did it. I finished my mission (’cause HECK YEAH, I chose to complete it!) and after a flurry of clicking, a furrowed brow, and bated breath I was in possession of two tickets to the concert of the century my lifetime the year.

The night of the concert arrived as the piece de resistance of the week and I was so nervous. I have no idea why, honestly. But I was concerned about the parking, if the tickets I printed were the right ones, if the seats were going to be okay, etc. Sarah calmly stood by my side while I completely freaked out, offering moral support. And then. We were inside! I had my camera all ready to go. I bought a ridiculously expensive program. And suddenly! There was Ryan Seacrest…on a screen. Okay, so it didn’t have the same effect as if he would have been there in person, but still.

A few observations from the concert:

• Stefano’s “I’m super cool and fly and all the girls love me” schtick TOTALLY works in person since you can’t tell from a distance that he’s squinting and closing his eyes. His performance was super high-energy and he was the first one to get me on my feet…which I’m not entirely sure the older folks behind us were pleased about.
• Naima danced again and it was just as awkward in person as on screen…until she pulled off a one-handed cart-wheel and landed in the splits. THAT was impressive.
• Pia has not learned any new moves. The arm outstretched moving up and down is still alive and well.
• It’s entirely possible that I love Casey even more. He performed “Smooth” and “Harder to Breathe”. He. Is. Brilliant. And his duets with Haley? Forgeddaboudid.
• James seemed to be the bravest of all the contestants. During his first performance he started in the audience surrounded by a gazillion body guards. I jumped up for his performance, too, and Sarah glanced over and laughed at me. I believe her exact words were “I can’t believe you LIKE this kind of music.” Not because she didn’t like it, but because she felt like my love of boy bands and pop music of all stripes could not co-exist with my love of the Durbs. The only thing was…nothing caught on fire during his performance. I was super disappointed about that, as you can imagine.
• Scotty came out last and did several songs (One was a duet with Lauren. I’m still convinced that they are MFEO). My favorite performance of his will always be “Gone”. It’s the most fun. Most of the other country stuff…eh.

So, there you have it! I’m glad I went. I’m glad I went with Sarah. A few pictures for your viewing pleasure. All these pictures are able to be seen because Sarah took firm control of the camera. I pretty much got a whole bunch ‘o fuzzy before that turn in events…

See how excited we were?? See the old people behind us??

First (virtual) sighting!

 

Haley was pretty darn amazing, too. She's better live, if you can believe it!

YAY!

The Durbs. In fine form, as usual.

Scotty and Lauren!

So, now that NaBloPoMo is done, I’m going to succumb to the busy-ness that is my life. But you best believe that I’ll be checking in here and there. AND, I’ll be back full force in January for another season of (wait for it) American Idol! Just can’t wait what crazy antics SteTy is going to pull next year…

For next year’s NaBloPoMo, a little research if you please. Which NaBloPoMo posts did you like the best? The worst?

Haddock out!

Choose Your Own Adventure Post November 29, 2011

Or, rather I should say that I’m choosing MY own adventure tonight. Let me explain. You see, today I instant messaged one of my office BFFs, Renee. I think I said something like, “Only two more days in NaBloPoMo, but I’ve only got tomorrow’s post figured out! AHHHHH! What am I going to do?” And then I had a brilliant idea. BRILL.IANT. What is the best way to do something that you don’t want to do? Have someone else do it for you! And Renee is just that kind of a friend. So, I told her my idea. Which was, essentially, for her to write questions and I would answer them in tonight’s post. Little did I know that she would embrace it like she did! What follows is a merry little journey on a deserted island, which is almost entirely NOT written by me. Should I be concerned that her first reaction was to send me far away on a deserted island?? (THANKS, RENEE!) For clarity, my responses will be in BLUE

“You sit up, drenched in a cold sweat. The sun is high in the sky, and you blink fiercely several times. You look around. The ocean crashes on white sandy beaches in front of you. Behind you, the jungle is teeming with the sounds of birds, animals, and *shudder* insects. It begins to come back to you; you were on a cruise. A wonderful, company paid cruise to the Bahamas. You remember the terrible storm, the rolling waves, the shipwreck!

You call for help. You scream for any other survivors. It appears you are alone. That’s really sad. You wish that you had a companion. Especially: (person. fictional or not and why)

Hmm. There’s a lot of criteria that would need to go into this decision. But I’m going to go with my not-fictional friend, Tiffany Walker. She’s a problem-solver, knows how to hunt (or at least shoot), would be a fun conversationalist, and we could pass our time singing Glee tunes and discussing the finer points of The Hunger Games trilogy. OH NO! Am I going to be off this island by March 23, 2012??!?! Plus, animals love her. And she knows a lot about them.

Luckily, you see your suitcase washed up on the sand a few feet away from you. What are the odds!? You tear into it and are relieved to find the three items you could NEVER live without: (If you say a satellite phone, I will come through the screen and smack you for cheating.)

Yikes! Would it be cheating to have packed a Super Target with Starbucks in it? I’m guessing “yes”. So let’s go with:

- My Bible, a journal, and a pen (it’s a SET, okay?).

- A big bottle of hand sanitizer. There’s bound to be a lot of yuckiness teeming in that water. Safety and health first!

- My pillow. What am going to do? Put my head on a bug-infested log? Uh-uh. I don’t think so.

With your treasures, you somehow feel bolstered. “Alright,” you say out loud “first order of business: (whatever you think the first order of business would be.)”

To find a Super Target with a Starbucks inside? Oh…no? Okay. Probably the first order of business would be for me make a fire and boil some ocean water to make it drinkable. Hello, hydration!

Brushing your hands off and sighing with relief that you are done with that, you hear something behind you. You jump. It is a foe! Pick which one you would rather face-off with:

a) a clown

b) a GIANT SPIDER

OR

c) a hungry jungle cat

Here is what you have available to you:

a) a hefty pipe from the ship’s engine room that happens to be conveniently located near the altercation

b) a delicious brownie that will most certainly distract your assailant, but might be your only source of food

c) a Jack Sparrow wig–beads and all. There was awesome entertainment on your cruise

Oh, gosh. This is a hard one. Since it’s a foe, I’m guessing that this is not a friendly clown but a derranged kind of clown bent on my ultimate destruction. I do NOT want a killer clown roaming the island with me. The jungle cat is also a big threat seeing as how The Parent Trap has taught me that clicking two sticks together is no kind of a defense against a predator. So, as much as I hate to do it, I’d have to choose the giant spider. After all, I have much more experience dealing with spiders than I do clowns or jungle cats. Gotta go with my strengths. I should have chosen to have my bug vacuum in my suitcase, huh. CURSES! Any chance that hefty pipe is actually a wand which I could point towards the spider with a firm “Riddikulus”? Okay, then. You best believe I’ll be wielding that hefty pipe like an arachnid samurai when facing my foe.

Panting but unharmed, you walk away and decide that you want to see what provisions might be on the other side of the beach.

Your toes hit something hard and shiny just barely sticking out of the sand. “A Lamp!” You cry, digging it out of the sand. It looks exactly like the one from Aladdin. You chuckle as you rub it with your wrist, only half expecting Robin Williams to pop out. But you scream as he actually does! And not blue-genie Robin Williams, but real, honest to goodness Robin Williams! But his feet are all weird and smooshed together from being in the lamp for too long and got stuck in the top so he still kind of looked like the genie from Aladdin.

“Thanks for letting me out of there! Boy, have I got a crick in my neck. In return for your kindness, I will grant you three wishes.”

Of course, you wish for him to get you off the island. Your mama didn’t raise no fool.

“I can rescue you,” he said, “but you will be eternally bound to the cast of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. They will be like your loud, dysfunctional family and you will not get away from them for all eternity. Those are the rules according to my genie contract.”

(Can I just say for the record that if I was stranded on an island with Robin Williams, I’d probably strangle him? Okay, thanks. Now that I got that out of my system…)

You sigh and:

a) accept your fate as a member of the cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta

OR

b) Say, “No thanks, Rob, I’ll take what the jungle throws at me.”

Well, what better use of my counseling degree than to use it with The Real Housewives?? I think I could really do some good there. But, seeing as how there’s only one sane me and about a gazillion crazy thems, I’m going to go with whatever the jungle throws at me.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO CONTINUE:

“You know what will help–I can give you FOUR wishes if you will choose one from each of these categories. Consider it a BOBOBOGO sale. I can get you:

a) one song to listen to

I consulted iTunes for this to see what my most frequently played tune is. And the winner is…Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Followed closely by Dynamite by Taio Cruz. My interests are teasingly diverse.

b) one food to eat

I should probably say a superfood like quinoa or kale. But I’m going to go with mashed potatos. At a time like this, there’s no food like comfort food…

c) one book to read

Since I already have my Bible, I’m going to go with The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh. I just want to read it over and over again….Plus, it could be helpful in determining edible vegitation!!

d) one movie to watch

The Holiday. It’s weird, but I could watch that movie end on end and not get tired of it.

Whaddya say, sweets?”

After granting your wishes, you say to him something along the lines of, “Thanks, Robin Williams. It was great to meet you. Make sure you stretch out your feet every once in a while so they’re not stuck in the top of that lamp next time” and head off to build a shelter for yourself.

You spend exactly 13 minutes putting together what you would consider a rather impressive hut complete with indoor plumbing and a super-cute reading nook when suddenly, a cherubic child pokes a curly blonde head in the door. “Lady,” She says, “Pretty lady, why are you here?”

“Well, my boat crashed and I’m all alone.”

“Not anymore!” The child yells. “Guys, she is here! Our queen is here!”

At least 30 children, all around the same age come rushing in screaming, cheering, and holding something black and brick-like aloft. You realize it is a satellite phone!

Do you stay and become queen of the sweet little children and live on the island or do you use the sat phone to call for help?

Um, I definitely use the sat phone to call for help. Being a queen is nice and all, but electricity is much more important in the grand scheme of things. That…and Starbucks.

My Kryptonite November 28, 2011

First of all, can we just say Smallville?!?

Okay, but that’s not really the point of this post…so moving on.

There are certain things in life that are hard to resist. There’s different stuff for different people. I’m assuming that’s why there are so many pistachios in the world (ew). A lot of girls have to have shoes. Lots and lots of shoes. Don’t get me wrong, I have my fair share in the shoe-verse. But I can resist them. Some girls need to have a ton of designer purses. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like cute handbags. But, again, I can keep them at arm’s length if I need to.

See this is where Superman was lucky to just have one weakness. For me, it’s a few things.

Jars. Mason jars, old antique medicine jars, colored jars, every size and shape of jar. I know it’s kind of weird. But I LOVE them. It’s hard for me not to buy them. They are perfect for just about anything! Use them as an organizer for pens/pencils/highlighters/craft supplies/etc.. They’re also incredibly purposeful for transporting liquids, keeping food fresh, and other stuff. ALSO, they make for great decorations…they’re my favorite kind of vase. Anyhoo. Jars. Who knew?

Journals. Gosh, I’m embarrassed to tell you how many journals I own. For me, the best thing about a journal is that I can dump all your mixed up thoughts and emotions on a non-judgmental blank piece of paper and then organize them in a way that makes sense in my brain. But, while that would be perfect justification for owning a lot of journals, I feel like I should definitely ‘fess up and tell you that I’d be drawn to them even if I never wrote a single thing in them. They’re just so darn pretty! And awesome!

Books. Okay, this one might be a no-brainer to you. But every time I move, I realize how bad this addiction is. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have so many books on my shelf that I’ve never read. I mean, some of them I TOTALLY intend to pick up. Some of them, I’m ashamed to say, I bought for the cover. Some of them just make me look smart. But man! I love to read. And I love to buy books and organize them by author and genre on my bookshelves. And lend them out. And recommend them to friends. They pretty much rock my face off.

So the real question is: What’s your kryptonite? Maybe it’s Smallville?

Game Time! November 27, 2011

Gosh, I love games. I mean, not ALL games. For instance, you won’t catch me holed up in a dimly lit room playing hours and hours of solitaire. I mostly just love games that you can play with friends and be all social and stuff. You know. Strategic games. Super fun hilarious games. Get to know you games. Board games. Card games. I’m not that picky. Which is probably why I love game nights so much. It’s not that big of a leap, right?

I do have a couple of rules for myself in these situations, though. ‘Cause let’s face it…I can get pretty darn competitive. And if I’m not careful, at the end of the night someone’s crying, someone’s angry, and pieces from the game are all over the floor. Okay, maybe I’m not THAT bad, but still. I like to win!

My top four favorite games, in no particular order and subject to change at any time…

1. Settlers of Catan and all subsequent expansion packs. AKA “Settlers” to those in the know. What I love about this game is that the board changes every time (there are many land tiles that make up the board and they can be laid in any order) and there are elements about each game you play that’s the same…but different. Plus, the people you play it with makes a huge difference. Basically, Settlers of Catan is kind of like a mix between Monopoly and Risk with a teensy bit of Pit thrown in for good measure. Picture an unsettled land with only resources like wood, brick, sheep, ore, and wheat and yourself as trying to settle that land. Each house you build (along with other things) gives you points and when you get to a certain amount of points you win the game. Okay, that’s seriously simplified, but it’s super fun. Here’s the deal about this game: people either love it or hate it. There are a lot of rules and structure to the game and to a newcomer it’s a lot to keep straight. But once you get the hang of it, it’s easy breezy. Word to the wise, every game of Settlers is a minimum of about an hour and a half committment. So plan accordingly!

2. Killer Uno. Oh. My. Gosh. If I had a nickel for every time I played this game and laughed my head off I’d have a solid quarter! This is more of a group game, so I haven’t played it very much but it’s a rousing good time. In a nutshell, this is Uno with a twist. Certain cards in the Uno deck have a deeper meaning than before. For instance (bear with me, my memory might be a biiiit rusty):

Twos: Called the “Silent” 2. If someone plays a two, everyone at the table must be silent until the next card is played. If someone speaks or makes a sound, they have to draw a card.

Sixes: If someone plays a 6, everyone at the table has to slap the deck. Last person to do so draws a card.

Also, if a card is played across the table and you have the exact card in your hand, you can play it out of turn. There’s more, but you get the idea. It’s super fun. Kind of like spoons meets dutch blitz!

3. Carcassone. Similar to Settlers, Carcassone has a game board composed of tiles and you’re basically settling the land. But, Carcassone only takes about 45 minutes to play and there’s a little more chance than strategy involved so it’s more low key. It’s also easy to pick up!

4. Phase 10. Phase 10 is a card game where you try to get a certain combination in your hand each round. As an example: A run of 3 and a set of 4. A run is cards in numerical order (i.e. 1, 2, 3, 4). A set is cards of all the same number (3 sevens). I know, I know. Given my aversion to numbers, liking this game seems like it’s not in the cards (ha!), right? But it also plays to my organizational mind. Gotta love that!

How about you? Got any favorite games? Any that you hate to play? Any you think I would like?

The Magical Spell of Christmas Music November 26, 2011

It’s funny how your music tells the story of your life, isn’t it? I blew the dust off of my CD cases this season when I realized there were some pretty serious holes in my Christmas iTunes library. As I paged through my CDs, the memories took me off-guard. Seeing the Point of Grace Christmas CD took me back to sophomore year and the feeling of being one of the last people on campus. All of us Christmas orphans gathered in one room, listened to this CD, and basked in the warmth of the string of Christmas lights in a too-small space.

My ‘NSYNC Christmas CD (don’t judge!) transported me right back to high school when I would play this CD at full volume, sing at the top of my lungs and pretend like Justin was singing to me directly. Sigh.

The Amy Grant Christmas CD was the very first CD I ever purchased. I actually bought it before Christmas one year when I was expecting my first CD player. I remember trying to get information out of my parents before I laid down my hard-earned cash to make sure that there would, indeed, be a CD player under the tree validating this purchase. I couldn’t get anything, but I bought it anyway. I know. I’m such a risk-taker, right??

And thus started my Christmas CD collection.

Every year, I make a new Christmas mix. I’m pretty much pulling from the same pool as the year before (I don’t add to my Christmas music collection that much), but I seem to go through phases so every year’s list is a little different from the previous one. Anyhow. Here are my carefully honed tips and tricks for creating the PERFECT Christmas mix.

Step 1: Go to iTunes and create a “Master Christmas List” playlist.

Step 2: Load all your Christmas CDs into iTunes and download any new Christmas music that you want.

Step 3: Sort your music library by Artist. Pull all Christmas music into the “Master Christmas List” playlist.

Step 4: Create a new playlist called “2011 Christmas Mix”. Highlight all music from your Master Christmas playlist and drag to your new playlist. This will keep your original list and create a new list that you can modify.

Step 5: Sort the “2011 Christmas Mix” playlist by song title. This will help you get a variety of songs and artists.

Step 6: Listen through and/or eliminate songs based on the artists or style you want of that particular song. For instance, maybe you have 5 versions of “Angels We Have Heard On High”, but one is traditional, one is pop, one is an artist that has weird vibrato (ahem Sixpence None the Richer ahem), one is folksy. In my case, I’d probably keep the pop version. But to each their own! I also tend to delete instrumental versions of songs or anything with a looooong lead in. Let’s get to the point, people! I also like to get a good blend of traditional songs, new songs, nostalgic versions of songs, styles, etc. You get the picture. Not sure which version to choose? Wait until you’ve gone down the whole list and then decide. OR include both! It’s YOUR mix, after all. You’ve got the powa’.

Step 7: Um, ENJOY!

My current Christmas playlist has over 50 songs, so here are some of the highlights, mkay?

1. All I Want for Christmas Is You (Mariah Carey) – Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Hello, hello? Anyone?

2.The Angels Medley (Avalon)

3. Auld Lang Syne (Relient K)

4. Ave Maria (Josh Groban)

5. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (Casey Abrams and Haley Reinhart)

6. Carol of the Bells (Emily Rossum)

7. The Christmas Waltz (She & Him)

8. Deck the Rooftop (Glee Cast)

9. Gloria (Michael W. Smith)

10. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (MercyMe)

11. I’ll Be Home for Christmas (Josh Groban) – I’ve got to build up an immunity, folks…

12. The Little Drummer Boy (Jessica and Ashley Simpson)

13. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (‘NSync)

14. O Come, O Come Emmanuel (Bethany Dillon)

15. We Three Kings (Pentatonix) – Team Pentatonix!

16. Welcome to Our World (Chris Rice)

17. When Love Came Down (Point of Grace)

What are your favorite songs to listen to at Christmastime? Are there any that you can’t stand?

Friday Hilariousness: Special Edition November 25, 2011

How about a round of Friday hilariousness since my eyes are so tired from scanning Amazon Black Friday deals? I sincerely hope not one of you got trampled in a valiant attempt to score some deals today.

Thanksgiving… November 24, 2011

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.”

Ephesians 1:3-6

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

A Certain Quality: A Thanksgiving Tale November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Eve, everyone! I must admit that I had no trouble getting into the “being thankful” spirit. Part of that probably comes from the fact that our offices closed at 1:00 PM, leaving the better part of the afternoon for me to assemble my contributions to tomorrow’s Thanksgiving meal. Color me thankful!

Other than last year when I spent Thanksgiving with my roomies in Oklahoma (where the wind goes rushing down the plains), this Thanksgiving as with most other years, will be spent with some of my favorite peeps: Katie, Stephanie, and Stephanie’s husband, Mark. This little gathering used to also include my former roommate, Liz. Sob. Sniff. She abandoned us to live a fancy and awesome life in Nashville, TN, and we miss her a lot.

The great thing about this set-up is that we all get to contribute to the Thanksgiving meal with little portions of our own family traditions, but no one bears the whole weight of the meal. Pun, if you can believe it, was NOT intended. We get to make fun memories, too, like when Liz cut through the tinfoil turkey pan and we had a turkey juice…um…situation. Or when we played hours and hours of Mad Libs and laughed our heads off. Or…like the story I’m about to tell you.

I think it was our first annual Thanksgiving gathering, and I was pretty excited to make something my family always has at holiday meals and sometimes my Mom would make it to celebrate my sister Lindsay’s birthday. (I think if it were up to her the whole world would be made of this). What is it, you ask? It’s what my family calls frog-eye salad. It’s basically comprised of anci de pepe pasta–think the size of tapioca but not slimey–; a sauce made of flour, sugar, the juice from a can of mandarin oranges, the juice from a can of pineapple; coolwhip, mandarin oranges, and pineapples. YUM! It’s amazing. It’s like a cloud of awesomeness in your mouth.

Soooo, I presented this dish at our Thanksgiving feast. Everyone at the table took a small bowl. After a few rather negative reactions came from my fellow feasters, shocked, I turned to Katie and Stephanie’s brother Michael. You see, he was eating bite after bite so I figured it would be safe to ask.

Me: “Michael, what do you think?”

Michael: “It has a certain quality.”

Me: “So, it’s a good quality?”

Michael: “Oh, no, it’s bad.”

And everyone started laughing hysterically. Hate the sentiment (’cause my frog-eye salad was every bit as good as my mom’s), but love the memory. Any time you can laugh to the point of crying is a good time in my book!

Well, there you have it. Apparently some family traditions do NOT translate well. As you can imagine, I have ceased from contributing this to our Thanksgiving gatherings, though I threaten to bring it every year (of course).

Random Tuesday November 22, 2011

Today, I pulled into the work parking lot and there were about 4 cars. That should have been my first clue to turn around and ABORT THE MISSION. But, since I’m kind of dense (and not a morning person), I entered the building and prepared for the day. My morning consisted of:

• Blinking rapidly at my computer monitor and trying to wake up
• Making the happy, if somewhat startling, discovery that the milk in the work fridge was still good
• Forgetting to put the milk in my Irish Breakfast tea
• Researching where to buy a Pennsylvania specific Amish prayer kapp
• Taking two bites of oatmeal
• Completely spacing out that I had a conference call with an author
• Scrambling to print out all the information needed for said conference call
• Taking copious notes with my green pen during the conference call. Realizing that I didn’t know where my pink pen was.
• Emailing various co-workers, authors, and vendors
• Waiting for a 6 page fax to go through (I hate that we’re still in a fax generation…)
• Drinking my cold tea
• Continuing to try and find the elusive Amish prayer kapp and trying not to hyperventilating in light of my rapidly approaching deadline.

For lunch, I went to Starbucks with my good friend Katie. Things were starting to look up! Then I stupidly decided to return to work for the afternoon. My afternoon consisted of:

• Watching a hilarious “marketing” video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkOQw96cfyE)
• Forwarding the video to several people who would like it
• Searching in vain for my pink pen
• Solidifying advertising plans and placements for 2012
• Typing a recap of the above conference call with action points for all involved
• Beginning to create a landing page the work’s website that shows all our Christmas books in one place
• Trying to figure out why WordPress always, without fail, hates my formatting
• Responding to a vaguely work-related but mostly just for fun email by my new friend and debut novelist, a different Katie about my escalating aversion to the Twilight movies even though I loved the books
• Creating UPS shipping labels for the located Amish prayer kapp (insert Hallelujah chorus here!)
• Responding to emails and trying to delete as many as I could (I just managed to bring my inbox down from about 3,800 emails to 576 but it’s a constantly shifting landscape, people.)
• Making a mental note to listen to James Durbin’s new CD on iTunes and download Casey Abrams and Haley Reinhart’s Christmas duet
• Sending an email along with the email trail to someone who should have never seen it
• Briefing my boss on said email and potential ramifications
• Apologizing to in-house person who was affected by said email
• Apologizing in email to the author who was affected by said email
• Calling said author to make really, really sure that they knew I was super sorry for said email
• Crying on Katie’s metaphorical shoulder about above email blunder
• Coordinating with sales re: author video for upcoming presentations
• Starting my to do list for tomorrow on a post-it note
• Tidying my desk
• FINDING MY PINK PEN!
• Removing all but two bites of my oatmeal from the bowl and putting it in the dishwasher

Since then, I’ve spent some quality time at the gym, made it through the grocery store gauntlet with all my limbs AND every item on my list, and managed not to punch anyone in the face. Tomorrow has got to be better, right? A new day with no mistakes in it yet?

Adventures in Truffle Making: A Retrospective November 21, 2011

I posted this back when my blog was a wee youngster. December of 2007, to be exact. Since that time, I’ve made many, many, many, many rounds of truffles and have the process down to a science. These truffles are now award-winning (true story, they won “best tasting” dessert at our department Christmas party last year). But back then, I was quite the novice. For those of you that have already read this post…all three of you…I’ve added this stellar intro and the recipe to the end to keep it all fresh and interesting and whatnot.  Enjoy!

Rather than the normal Christmas post, I thought I’d regale you all with tales of my Christmas goodie making…

All my best recipes come from my Mother and Grandmother. It’s a well-known fact and running joke that Mom is the Substitution Queen when it comes to meal making. No tomato sauce? Eh, just substitute tomato paste…etc, etc. I’ve often told friends that my mom makes great meals, but they just always taste different than the time she made it before. I suppose it was a way to keep us on our toes (and her out of the grocery store).

With this in mind, I called my Mom up before the “baked goods” season commenced. I called her to email me some vital recipes. “Do you want the truffle recipe, too?” she asked. “Lindsay made them for her office and now they think she is a gourmet cook.” Hey, if my sister could do it, bring on the puffy white hat and glitzy title!

True to her word, I received all the recipes in my inbox a few days later. I was pleased to find that the truffle recipe required no baking, only three ingredients and (apparently) lasting fame with whomever came in contact with them. I should have known at this point that the whole scenario was too good to be true. BUT, determined to maximize my afternoon, I stopped by the grocery store after church to pick up all of the ingredients.

With Oreos, cream cheese and Baker’s semi-sweet chocolate in tow, I checked out confident that my standing in the cooking world was about to be raised in a massive way.

Ready to tackle anything (or so I thought), I crushed the Oreos into oblivion. Mixing them with the cream cheese went well and I proceeded to make them into little balls, humming Christmas carols all the while.

Now, this is where our story takes a drastic turn. After chilling the little guys for the allotted time, I pulled them out to complete the next step. “Cover them with semi-sweet chocolate”. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong.

Round 1:
Naively optimistic, I grabbed the first truffle-in-the-making and gamely microwaved my first square of chocolate. I grabbed two forks, ready to wedge the little guy in between and give him a good dunking in the chocolate-y goodness. Turns out one square was not enough in the bottom of the bowl for my pre-conceived dunking.

Round 2:
Undaunted, I plopped it into the bowl, but the thing obstinately refused my every attempt to roll it. I tried with the fork, I tried with a spoon, and I tried with my finger (clean, of course).

It was at this point in the process that I realized I was in over my head. Donning the Christmas apron hopeful for a little holiday magic, I resolutely finished the first truffle as well as I could and dropped it on the cookie sheet. Chocolate pooled everywhere underneath, unfortunately distant from the actual truffle it was supposed to cover.

Round 3:
I decided to give myself a little mental pep talk. “Okay, Amy, you are a problem solver! You do tougher things like this every day. Do NOT let chocolate get the best of you. You are BETTER than this.” My little mantra seemed to encourage me and after surveying the situation, I decided to try to get a bigger pool of chocolate for the baptism of all my truffle guys.

Yanking out another bigger bowl and running cold water over the fingers that (unfortunately) grabbed the small bowl with the original melted chocolate a wee bit too soon, I managed to unwrap another Baker’s chocolate square and get it into the microwave for it’s meltdown. (ha!)

At the end of this round, I had two squares melted and was about to transfer the second liquidated square into the bigger bowl with the first when my pot holders failed me. The small bowl slipped out of my grasp and into (you guessed it!) the bigger bowl. Aw, sheesh! Can’t a girl get a break?? Shaking my head in disgust, I rescued my small bowl, salvaging as much chocolate as possible and tried pouring the chocolate over a few of the truffles. Turns out, the chocolate was too thick, globbing on top but not really with the coverage I was looking for.

Round 4:
In a fit of panic, I decided to try something outside the box. Something that only McGuiver would have thought of were he in my position. I pulled a sandwich-sized Ziploc bag out of a drawer, spooned a few doses of chocolate and plopped the truffle in. Just like Shake ‘n Bake, right? Um, not so much. The truffle taunted me in side his plastic prison and refused to move one iota of an inch.

Round 5:
With rows and rows of truffles ahead of me and no end or feasible plan in sight, I somehow managed to use a spatula (Pampered Chef to the rescue!) my finger and a few spoons to finish the job.

With the last truffle fully-if somewhat unevenly- coated in chocolate, I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and leaned against the counter to survey the damage. Chocolate was now spread into every possible crevice on the microwave, stove, counter, floor, and sink. I looked down and realized that I had seen better days and bent down to wipe a sizable glob of chocolate off of my ankle with my chocolate blackened tea towel.

Thankful that my roommate was out for the afternoon, I went about cleaning up the remnants of my truffle making adventure. I think I’m done with truffles for a while…

p.s. Every time I tell this story, there are a thousand other options that people think up. Hey, people? You weren’t there. The truffles were not attacking YOU. I’m just thinking that had you been in my shoes, you would have been chocolate covered and defeated as well.

p.p.s. I am now at home in West Virginia where my Mother has a whole BAG of truffles evenly covered with chocolate and even better tasting than mine. How do you like THAT?

And now the recipe you’ve all been waiting for, with my tips and tricks for a successful truffle-making endeavor.

Ingredients

1 block (8 oz) of cream cheese

Can be reduced fat. I haven’t noted that it makes a difference in taste.

1 bag of Oreos

This is where the variation comes in. For regular chocolate truffles, use regular Oreos (reduced fat is also fine here…doesn’t affect taste). For my “Christmas” truffles, I use mint Oreos. You could even use peanut butter Oreos, or whatever floats your boat.

About 2 boxes of Baker’s semi-sweet cooking chocolate.

You probably won’t use all of the second box, but better to have more chocolate than less! Trust me.

Instructions

1. Set out your cream cheese to soften to room temperature.

2. Pull out two cookie sheets and line with parchment paper or tin foil. This makes for easy clean up and easy removal of the finished truffles.

3. Using a food processor, blender, or plastic Ziploc bag and a heavy object like a rolling pin, crush a full bag of Oreos into oblivion. Ideally, you want the finished product to look a lot like coffee grounds.

4. In a bowl, mix the crushed Oreos with the block of cream cheese. By the time you’re done, you shouldn’t see any white from the cream cheese or the Oreo filling.

5. With your hands, roll the mixture into little round spheres about 1.5″ in diameter, or you can make ‘em whatever size you want. Place them on your covered cookie sheets. You’ll notice that they can get a little mushy as the warmth of your hand interacts with the cream cheese. Hence the next step…

6. Refrigerate (or freeze if you’re in a hurry) all your wee uncovered truffles until the become solid and cold to the touch. This will allow you to roll them in chocolate without melting them.

7. If you have a double boiler pan (a sauce pan that you boil water in and another sauce pan fits on top so that the stuff you’re warming isn’t on the direct heat of the burner), thank your lucky stars and pull it out. If you don’t, I’d recommend creating your own make-shift double boiler. If you have another sauce pan, or a glass or metal mixing bowl that fits inside one of your sauce pans, that’ll do. I would NOT recommend plastic anything, of course. Melt the chocolate in the top of your double boiler pan. (If you’re one of these devil-may-care types that want to skip the double boiler, go right ahead. I’m just trying to save you some time and frustration ). If you’re planning to make these on a regular basis, like I was, it’s worth investing in one of these. I got mine from Bed, Bath & Beyond for $19.99, but Amazon and other stores have a “universal” double boiler inserts that could go with one of your existing pans. 

8. I’ve found that the easiest way to cover the truffles is with the use of a spatula. You know, the kind that looks like a huge spoon, but it’s a spatula? That way, you can roll the truffle all around in the chocolate, scoop it up on a surface that has chocolate on it (the spatula), and drop it on your cookie sheet with relative ease. Plus, you can scrape all the chocolate together in the pan and use all of it up when it gets low.

9. Once you have the covered truffles done, refrigerate to set them.

You’re done! Now you just have to do the clean-up. Good luck with that.